An Angel’s Road to Hell

Cassandra Pendragon

I had never expected to see Arthur at a loss for words but there he stood, awkwardly fidgeting while he looked everywhere but the small girl in front of him. It was becoming harder by the second to stop myself from laughing out loud and I buried my face in the nape of Ahri’s soft neck to hide my smile. In the end, it was Sylvia who cleared her throat and finally got him to speak up.

“Reia, listen, it’s not… Damn it all, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” she showed much more poise than him, smiling toothily before she hesitantly touched his arm.

“Acted like a pompous prick? No, you shouldn’t have but I understand, you didn’t know…”

“I did,” he sighed. “Or at least I suspected… but that’s no excuse.” His gaze travelled over our little family, Mordred, lounging in a comfortable armchair close to a merrily burning fire with a glass of wine in his hand, my mom, lazying around on a fluffy pillow, her eyes closed, and Ahri and I, sharing a surprisingly modern bean bag, our tails entwined. We were in one of the more luxurious rooms in the “Gilded Dream”, Madame Sinis’ personal quarters to be precise and for the first time today, no one else was around. Even my five dedicated shadows had been told to simply enjoy the night. Judging from the muffled sounds, drifting through the floor, they had taken their orders quite literally. I couldn’t fault them, though. Once the dwarfs, most of whom were staying with us as well, began to drink, there was no turning back.

After our conversation with Nightshade and his… patron deity we had quickly made our way back, just in time to listen to the last bit of one of Brightblaze’s tirades. I hadn’t known what had set her off, but she was cursing each and everyone present colourfully. Her fellow Captains, that is. Somehow us beast kin and the dwarfs had either managed to get on her good side or she had simply deigned us unworthy of her attention. Whatever the reason, it had been abundantly apparent that there wouldn’t be much to gain and an awful lot to lose by letting them continue and since I had already been branded as a more… lawful version of the boogeyman I had firmly put an end to their dispute. Which had pretty much boiled down to telling them to care for the wounded and the homeless before they’d incite another fight. Once everybody had calmed down we’d meet again at the “Gilded Dream”. The Madame had immediately offered to organise a feast and invited them for the following evening. Since most of us had already seen more than enough of tight cabins, my family and friends had decided to spend the night there.

Now, you might be wondering why I had let Captain Nightshade off the hook, the story he had told was, after all, not much of an excuse. Truth be told, I hadn’t, not really, but the heart of the matter was unfortunately rather simple, we still needed him and his feathered friend. And then… I wasn’t the most consistent person when it came to dealing with people. My anger mostly got the better of me in the heat of the moment but once I had a day to cool off, I usually didn’t follow through and revenge, if there even was a real reason for me to feel wronged, wasn’t something I wanted to exact from him. Once I wasn’t seething with fury anymore. Long story short, for now I had resolved to keep a close eye on him and act, in case he rubbed me the wrong way.

Arthur knelt and opened his arms to hesitantly hug her about as awkwardly as I had expected. Even Reia felt his tension and the little troublemaker smirked at me over his shoulder.

“You know, if you’re uncomfortable, a hand shake would have been enough,” she quipped, smiling brightly.

“Not really,” he said and straightened again. “I should have welcomed you with open arms the very moment we met. Cassy’s right. Whatever else I might be worrying about, first and foremost you’re my sister, a sibling I’ve never had the chance to meet as such. As it turns out, the youngsters often teach the elders how the world works, at least in our family.”

“If you’re referring to me,” I interjected, “I’d like to point out that I’m probably older than all of our ancestors combined and then some. Just saying.”

“And yet, you’re the youngest of the bunch,” my mom projected without opening her eyes. “And the most troublesome. I’m just glad you’ve found someone who’s willing to put up with your quirks. Tough luck, Ahri, I ain’t going to take her back.” The vixen in my lap laughed softly.

“I wouldn’t want you to. Admittedly, she’s a handful, but she’s mine.”

“A handful,” I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“More like two or even several,” she giggled while I felt her snuggle deeper into my embrace. “But that’s fine, I wouldn’t want it any other way.” Sylvia was watching us interestedly, her eyes darting to Ahri’s bracelet from time to time. While Arthur was shepherding Reia over to a table and poured tea for the both of them, she asked:

“From what I’ve heard the two of you have been together for a long while…”

“You could say that,” I whispered, quietly enough to not interrupt her.

“…are you planning to get wed any time soon?” Alright, I hadn’t seen that coming and to make matters worse I could feel myself blush. Not to mention the sudden spike in Ahri’s temperature.

“Uh,” I began eloquently, “I…” I tried to catch my mother’s eyes, we had already had this talk after we had escaped from Shassa’s tomb and she had been pretty outspoken on the matter. This time, though, she didn’t even flinch, contently fanning out her tails to catch more of the fire’s warmth.

“Honestly, I’m not sure. I…” my blush intensified when I added quietly: “I’d actually like that very much but not right now. It’s just…”

“We’ve never been officially married before,” Ahri explained for me when she realised how much trouble I had putting my feelings into words. “And we won’t, again. Neither of us wants a memory that’s overshadowed by the crap we’re dealing with. Maybe it’s naive, but we want something special, without the shadow of war or imminent death looming above us. It should be… perfect.”

“You might have to wait for a pretty long time, then,” Mordred snorted. “If you want my advice, tie the knot. Sooner rather than later.”

“I can’t remember asking for advice,” I mumbled, rather unsettled by the more than private topic. Not that I minded sharing with my family, but this was something the two of us had to figure out for ourselves, wasn’t it?

“The privilege of family, little sis,” he replied, grinning crookedly. “Whether you want to hear it or not, you’ll always get our advice. Besides, watching you act all shy is a nice change of pace. Which reminds me, has either of you ever been with anyone else?” I spluttered, taken entirely off guard.

“Heavens, no,” Ahri immediately replied. She sounded certain but neither of us had yet regained all of our memories. How could she know? I didn’t understand her conviction until I almost inadvertently tried picturing being intimate with or even passionately kissing anyone else. My stomach clenched and goosebumps erupted all over body. Nope, not going to happen. Ahri chuckled quietly, apparently all too aware of where my thoughts had been going.

“You don’t have to tell me, it’s none of my business,” I sent through our tattoos, “but I’m curious. Before all of this, before we started changing, did you ever…?”

“You’re jealous,” she sent incredulously, “even though you don’t know.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” She turned around and kissed me.

“It’s actually quite sweet and the answer is no, never. My first kiss was also yours.” She paused and I felt a series of images flutter through her mind while she was still puzzling over whether or not it’d be worth to share them. “Even before I… died during my first hunt, I always dreamed of… someone. Before you began evolving I always thought it was just the normal infatuation every girl goes through… a mighty warrior, waiting for me, but I’m not so sure anymore. Here, see for yourself.” It was remarkable how her earlier memories even felt different, less acute, less powerful but I could still easily discern the figure she was trying to show me.

A many tailed kitsune without much in terms of recognisable features, even the number and colour of tails seemed to change from one moment to the next, hovered above her, the face hidden beneath a white hood. Two things were clear as day, though. One, whoever it was, was standing in front of her, hand extended while a crushing darkness churned behind, kept at bay by the imposing presence, seemingly unable to pass through a distorted veil of silver and blue flowing from the knight’s back. And two, there was a spear, the end buried in the ground. A spear I knew all too well, I could call it into my hand any time I wished, after all.

The wheels in my head started turning and she chuckled quietly, observing where my thoughts were going. She had surely been there before, trying to figure out how an abstract likeness of myself had invaded her dreams, long before we had been connected. She allowed me to struggle for a bit, before she explained:

“Time’s the key Cassy. You’ve already seen that we can manipulate the streams, even if we don’t fully understand what we’re doing. I think my rebirth, as well as yours, sent ripples into the past and future. I’m pretty sure you’d have experienced something similar, if you hadn’t been fresh out of diapers, when you suddenly became an adult.”

“But… didn’t Aurora, didn’t you tell yourself that our feelings weren’t born from what we are,” I stammered. The idea didn’t sit well with me. Luckily she didn’t take it the wrong way and immediately replied:

“She… I did and I didn’t lie, either. It was a dream, Cassy, a young girl’s dream I never truly expected to become real. Our decisions, our actions turned it into something more. I wouldn’t change a thing, even if I could. Would you?”

“Never… I guess it doesn’t matter, anyways. We are, who we decide to be.” I felt her nod, her attention drifting back to Mordred, who was still talking.

“I’d usually tell you to be cautious… marriage isn’t something to be rushed, especially when you don’t have anything to compare your current relationship to, but I guess, in your case, that’s pretty much a given. I’d say don’t wait. You can only truly regret the things you haven’t done.” Shit, I had really hoped he’d have dropped the topic when we had spaced out. I shook my head slowly, fumbling for a half decent reason to change the subject but, to my surprise, it was Sylvia who cut him off.

“I meant to ask them, you know, not instigate a discussion. Your sister’s right, it’s none of our business. I’m surprised she hasn’t yelled at you, already. Judging from the way I made her acquaintance, I’d have expected some fireworks by now.” She turned to me, smiling: “are you feeling all right, dear? Don’t tell me you’re actually becoming shy.”

“I’ve always been shy, I’m just not timid,” I mumbled under my breath. It was true, to a certain extent. I didn’t trust people very much and if given the choice, I’d always prefer the company of those I already knew and treasured. Unfortunately, life hadn’t provided much in terms of choice, lately.

“You’re not,” Ahri whispered telepathically. “You’re tired and angry and hurt but you always reach out to others. You might be cursing all the way, but you’ve never, in none of my memories, actually shied away from people. Even now… you’re itching to go downstairs and convince yourself that everything’s fine, that everyone is fine, aren’t you? You just won’t admit it. Let me tell you a secret. Aloof and untouchable aren’t nearly as charming as vulnerability and genuine care.” I was tempted to brush her off but before I knew it, I was grinning self consciously.

“Where did that come from,” I asked instead. She shrugged.

“You’ve been raised as a princess and you’re an immortal, fighting to save the world… worlds. Literally. It doesn’t take much to figure out that you’re trying to distance yourself from anything you regard as a weakness. And, sweetheart, you’ve always seen your ties as shackles or a vulnerability to be exploited. Even our bond. I’m not even saying you’re wrong, but denying what makes you… mortal and happy isn’t worth it.”

“Didn’t you tell Aurelia there are no psychologists in this world? Should I call you Sigmund from now on?” Chuckling, she moved her tails around until they lay more comfortably against my thighs.

“Only if you want me to start speculating on how your father’s death might have sparked a hidden desire to fill his shoes, leading you to reject the female role you are expected to play in politics and when interacting with strangers.” I bit my lip, frowning. The part about my dad was bullshit but the rest was… let’s just say too close to home for me to take it as a joke entirely.

“Relax,” she continued, “as far as loose screws go, we all have them and yours are actually rather endearing.”

“Then where are yours?”

“I’ve a thing for spicy food,” she immediately shot back, “otherwise I’m completely perfect, of course. Seriously, though, don’t you know?” I sighed.

“You’re still feeling guilty and as long as you can’t forgive yourself for what you’ve supposedly done to me, you’ll always be a guardian angel, even when you’re at risk of losing yourself. You’re living more for me than for yourself… maybe even for our friends or my family.” I felt her nod.

“That and I’m also becoming a tad obsessive where you’re concerned. We share that trait, though, so it doesn’t matter very much.”

“You know, it’s rude to whisper behind people’s backs,” Reia interrupted my train of thought before I could reply. Ahri and I shared a smile, the small vixen was empathic enough and had gotten to know us well enough to figure out when we were talking privately, but the others looked at her questioningly. She caught herself before she rolled her eyes, like she would have done with her friends, and explained:

“It’s harder to tell with Ahri but Cassy always goes glossy eyed when she talks to her. They have this telepathic connection… I can’t listen in, though,” she ended dejectedly. I shouldn’t have been surprised that she had been trying to spy on our conversations but I still felt indignant.

“Is that so,” Arthur rumbled. “Then, pray tell, what were the two of you talking about?”

Miffed, I answered: “if it had been any of your business, we wouldn’t have kept it quiet, now, would we?” I caught Reia’s gaze and tried to convey how utterly unamused I was that she had tried to eavesdrop, but my efforts only yielded a cheeky grin and a stuck out tongue. “Now, could we please change the subject? Our personal life has been scrutinised quite enough, don’t you agree?”

“Not really,” he said, chuckling. “The last time I’ve seen you, you were a toddler. Now you’re all grown up. I’ve missed all the good bits in between when I could have embarrassed you.”

“You’re not alone,” Mordred added darkly, “but we’re going to make up for it, as well as we can.”