An Age of Mysterious Memories

B3 C33.5: Tenith Grayl the Sky Unending

As I ponder my own thoughts, I realize I'm still staring in through the window over the horse trough, and the princessora is no longer within. I sense a presence to my left and instinctively send my left hand to my dagger, but find a blade at its hilt before my hand even reaches the pommel.

"Relax. Saw something you liked?"

I turn my gaze to meet my assailant, and it is the same woman I'd seen speaking with the inn maiden. How did she get here so swiftly? Or was I preoccupied for that long?

She approaches, her blade still pressing my dagger's hilt into its sheath, and she leans over my shoulder to gaze in the window. She nods appreciatively. She leans back, sheathes her sword and digs out a handkerchief that she tosses into my face.

"You're all wet. I suppose a horse trough is as good as a cold shower if you're trying to fight off thoughts of bedding a maiden."

I fluster as I dry my face and toss the kerchief back, "I had no such intentions. I have a job to do, and was simply maintaining alertness with the cool water."

"It's fine. She's cute. She's never had eyes for any suitor, though she attracts a few. She is interested in you though, let's just say a friend knows these things."

"You know the amount of suitors she's had? Why would one of your birth be friends with peasants like ourselves?"

"Please, my station doesn't indicate who I can or cannot befriend. Besides, as far as her and I are concerned. Well, we've been friends for what seems like lifetimes at this point, almost sisters by now. We'll continue that friendship into the next if we're lucky."

"Then she's lucky to have such a dedicated friend. If you'll pardon me, I have a job to commence. I need to be rested for it."

Her blade is once again out and its point at my throat before I even notice her drawing it. She's faster than any foe I've ever faced. I'm not afraid of death, yet I nevertheless gulp all the same. She sighs and shakes her head.

"It doesn't suit you, this job. But the idea behind it does. No she didn't betray your secrets, don't go getting any ideas of escaping and offing her. Huff, you're going to die on your job if you continue on like you are. My room is two down the hall on the left from yours. Selunie's is beside the kitchen on the first floor. Find one of us when you're done stewing in whatever angry thoughts you're brewing up."

I cock my head to an angle and raise a brow in confusion. Is this highborn lass inviting a bedding? Moreover, is she lackadaisically offering either her own, or the inn maiden's? That is quite a close relationship indeed. What noble family could have such a carefree, adventurous daughter out and about that I'd never heard of her? She spins to turn away in a single motion that doesn't betray her footing at all, her short cape flutters and obscures her posture momentarily.

"If you'd permit it, I have a question."

She pauses and casts a glance backwards over her shoulder. That would have been the moment, right then as she was turning her head. That's when I could have struck. Even her impressive reflexes left her open right then. Why didn't I take out this troublesome, irksome lass?

Almost as if sensing my thoughts, she chuckles, unimpressed.

"Sure, go ahead, shoot."

"Most families of high birth have something unique about them, crests, fashions, what have you and the like. I've never seen one with such a hairstyle. I've seen some bandit outlanders with something that they'd called mohawks, it's a bit similar, yet still different. What family, or what hairstyle is it that you wear?"

She doubles over with laughter and one gloved hand wipes a tear from her eye.

"Really? Two beautiful women offer you to bed down, and that's your question? I don't know what I expected, but that wasn't it. It's not a mohawk, it's a faded side swept undercut. Nothing to do with my family, I just like keeping most of the hair off of my neck, but I like it long. Some have accused me of mullet envy, I think they're the envious ones."

Am I really standing here, discussing hairstylings with a highborn woman who had just offered me up the beds of her and her close friend? I have an oppressed country to work at freeing. I huff a sigh, releasing a breath I hadn't realized I was holding and shake my head, trying to rattle loose the thoughts in my head.

"Nothing else huh? Remember, Taylynn, that's me, two down the hall on the left from yours."

She flashes me a wink and struts smoothly away. There's a pang in my chest as I glance at my reflection in the horse's water. I look up into the window once more, and the princessora has already rejoined her friend inside. I shake my head and gaze once more into my reflection. Does she even know who, or what, she offered her bed to? Is she so undiscerning? Or is it something else? I dunk my head in the trough for as long as I can hold my breath.

There’s something I’m forgetting. Something was happening. Hm, no, sleep it is. I drift into a fitful slumber on the floor between piles of loved ones, distant from any grouping.

When I finally come to, I’m in cherubic Reggie form, and what’s more, I’m on Agwai’s belly, being embraced on either side by Laomati or Fawn. I unleash a flood of tears into Agwai’s soft chest and fall asleep once more. I awaken eventually as Agwai stirs. I’m still held tightly to the softness of the curves upon their chest. I feel Fawn’s pawed hands stroking my arm and her rough tongue grooming my hair. I can sense Laomati’s fretful hand-wringing happening nearby as she sits up, awaiting my awakening.

When I finally look towards her, my vision has returned to normal, and Lao asks, “Dear child, whyever were you weeping alone so far from any of us? I can’t understand it. What had happened? I wasn’t certain you would accept our embrace, but I couldn’t bear to see you so saddened. It felt wrong to pull you to us while you slept, but my heart ached to soothe whatever hurt you were fostering. Please forgive me dear child, Reggie.”

I sniffle and rub my eyes, trying to hide my shame in Agwai’s breast. I can hardly find words. How do I tell Laomati how alone I felt among our own family? Especially when she was waiting to comfort me. My heart hurts so much. Not being able to know what someone else thinks on an intrinsic level prevents me from trusting that they continue to love or care about me from one moment to the next. That seems fatally, unfairly-untrusting. Self-doubt and trauma keep me from accepting the love of those around me, unless I can literally read their minds. It’s only my inner circle that I ever truly allow myself to trust and believe in, and that feels like a horrible thing. It makes me hate myself that I can be so, so, so unaccepting, so untrusting.

But, if anyone else struggled with trust issues, with self-doubt, would I hate them? No. Why do I feel so vehemently-negatively about myself? I continue to cry, tears unbidden, trying not to bawl out loud. I hiccup, realizing I haven’t been getting proper air flow while fighting back sobs.

I beg a whispered plea, “Lao, please, please forgive me. There’s something so wrong with me. Something in me said I don’t have a place here, that I don’t deserve to be here. I’m so sorry. Something is always fighting any belief I have in any of your love. Something is always struggling against letting me accept that I am welcome, or loved, or cared about. I wish it would stop, I wish it would. Why won’t it let me be? Please why won’t it let me just enjoy my family?”

I fail at preventing myself from bawling out loud. With tears streaming down my cheeks I sob into Agwai’s chest. The thing inside me that doesn’t believe in their love wants me to run away, to stop burdening them with my sadness. It grips my heart and squeezes, it tells me that I’m hurting them by sharing my pain needlessly. I double over, clutching my chest. It says that no one could, or should have to love someone so broken, so needy, so full of hurt that they spread that pain to others time and time again.

I can’t shut it out, I can’t make it stop or shut it up. It’s not the future voice, it’s not another version of me, it’s just some lingering sickness that has always been there. It’s the voice given to my self-doubt itself. The voice that arises from a depressed state of mind that struggles against every happy thought to corrupt it with reminders of my worthlessness.

I try to steel myself as I resolutely state, “I have to go, I have to keep working on the canal. It needs to be done. Lao you know why. I’m so sorry that I thrust the weight of that burden upon you as well, that knowledge. Please forgive me.”

I try to push myself out of the triple embrace, but my muscles respond feebly, weakly at best. Laomati, Fawn, and Agwai keep me held tightly as tears continue to stream forth. My muscles stop responding to me, and begin to spasm and twitch instead. I inhale a ragged gasp and exhale a staccato sigh. At times like this, the pain gripping my heart makes me want to rip the organ straight from my chest and throw it somewhere I could never see it or feel its hurt ever again.

The others are beginning to stir, and I’m terrified to let them see me so vulnerable, so saddened. I don’t want them to feel as if they owe me any love or pity. I don’t want them to be manipulated into caring about me. They don’t need to care, they deserve to be allowed to not care.

I beg again, “Please, please let me go. I’m so sorry to burden each of you with my hurts. Please don’t let me burden the rest of them too. I love you so deeply, all of you. You deserve to be happy, safe, carefree. I’ll do what has to be done. Please just let me go. Please forgive me.”

The three exchange a glance. Lao responds, “We’re not preventing you from leaving, my little beloved one. We were afraid to aggravate your wounds, so we’ve been gingerly embracing you at best.”

At her admittance, I try to shove away from Agwai, but my muscles vibrate weakly with exhaustion. I hiccup before sobbing once more. I can’t even do this right. I can’t even get away in time to spare everyone else the sight of my neediness. I could use magic to get away, but I might hurt one of them. My bones are almost knit from where they’d been sheared by the mite-hulks. My muscles feel in working order, but I can’t get them to respond with virtually any strength whatsoever.

Frowning, I hoarse-whisper, “Can one of you please set me near the end of as much as I’ve dug of the canal so far? Please? I can’t bear for them to feel manipulated into having to care about my state. No one deserves that. I’m so sorry that you had to see me like this.”

Laomati ever so softly slaps my face. The gesture stings emotionally, even if it barely registers as physical contact at all. Lao says, “Whatever is struggling within you, we are your family. We love you, all of us. We’ll weather it together. It’s not as if this is the end of.” Lao pauses. She knows it actually is the end of the world. She knows if I let everyone down now, that might be the final goodbye. I can’t afford to be comforted, to spend time struggling to come to grips with whatever emotions or depression are fighting within me.

Lao changes tack, “Here, Fawn, Agwai, please hand Reggie to me, I’d like to take my beloved child aside for the day. I’ll see you both at dinner. I love you undyingly, my dears.”

The irony of her parting statement is not lost on either of us. She has already died once, and we have no more phoenix plumes. Even if the world doesn’t end, whatever calamity awaits us could take any of our loved ones from us, or could take us from them. Dying is very much on the table, so an undying love is unlikely. Still, Lao carries me to the edge of the canal.

Jazharn and Dream don’t come along today as I work on the canal. They showed up for a brief moment and realized that Laomati had to carry me around, so it wouldn’t be feasible to repeatedly spray me with acid. I should be alright for them to join me tomorrow.

Lao holds me as we work in silence, Lao helping move me near the canal, or far enough away to deposit the masses of soil that I move with inventory space magic.

I try to apologize, I barely begin before Lao interrupts me, “No, we won’t hear of it. You’re not at fault. Whatever grief haunts you, whatever sadness strikes at your heart, it is not your fault. You bear no need to apologize. Let me do this for you, let us do this for you. I realize how much you must bear for the good of us all. I bear some fault for setting you on a pedestal. Claiming you sit alone at the loom of fate. I’m sorry dear one.”

I silently wipe my tears as I lean into Lao’s arms. At least while I’m being held, and resting, the constant use of energy doesn’t seem to be working quite as harshly within my body. Thinking on it though, I believe I understand why it may be so rough on me. We’ve known Radiance was corrupted somehow, for quite some time. Worse yet, we know that it’s a limited resource, thanks to Luni. Even our Umbral forms and spells are at best, a diluted, creamy gray. We’re mixing Umbra and Radiance. I’ve been accessing more energy, more mana than ever before, pulling greater and greater quantities of the two through my body to manifest my magics.

If I want to stop hurting, somehow, I need to call only on Umbra. If the leylines below this planet truly carry Radiance, then where does Umbra come from?

Space is a cold, empty blackness, dotted with existence by way of stars. Umbra is a soothing darkness, the piercing jet black nothingness of empty space. My strongest attack ever, my Black Ice relied on the energy from hundreds of mages, and the Radiant lifeblood of miles upon miles of forest. In the end, it looked like the vastness of space, dotted with stars and galaxies, when it revealed all the gems left behind in the cooled lava.

Could I somehow reach out to space itself? Could I claim the darkness at the edges of the universe, and make that my power? Surely, that is the vastness of the infinite itself in its purest form. It can’t be corrupted or limited by any method. Yet to call such a power from the limitless beyond, far past the limits of the skies and horizons, how would I even begin such a thing? Somehow, Luni is able to manifest pure Umbra through the magic of her songs. Can I simply will a connection to the farthest edges of reality into being? A whispered word? A silent song?

I make a request, “Lao, would you mind setting me down for just a moment? I appreciate this so much. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am right now. How much what you’re doing means to me, and how deeply it’s helping against my inner demons. I need to try something with magic that I worry might be dangerous in a small radius around me.”

Lao frets, but relents. She knows I’m in no shape to go running off if I want to keep working on the canal anyway. I kiss her cheek before she helps me stand and takes a few paces back.

I’ve seen them spring into being before, the tiny motes of Umbral energy, as if willed into existence by massive spells calling out to some distant power. If I begin to call upon a spell far too massive, and I bring them forth into existence, will my danger wraps be able to tell me anything about their origin? I hobble down into the canal, and aim eastward, as if I intend to claim the entire path between here and the coast. Lao frowns that I’ve moved from where she set me, and she sits at the canal’s edge to gaze down upon me.

World, Radiance, Umbra, systems of our reality, please let me gaze upon your secrets. I want to do right by Luni. I want to protect everyone without becoming corrupted and spent. I want to protect them all without spending the life of the very planet upon which we live. Please show me pure Umbra once more?

It starts slowly at first. My mana drains away and even its regeneration halts as that new energy continues to feed my plea. Minutes pass, and Lao looks on at my stance curiously. After nearly a quarter of an hour, the tiniest motes, atomic in scale begin to flicker into existence. I cannot see them, only feel their presence. Even that small feat I can only accomplish thanks to my thermokinetic and electrokinetic senses. Gradually, over another ten or twenty minutes, they become larger motes of Umbra and motes of Radiance that fight their way into reality, struggling against unreality itself to come screaming into being. I dismiss the motes of Radiance, bidding them return from whence they came, as they try to mingle with motes of Umbra into motes of creamy gray. Surprisingly, the Radiance relents, it almost seems glad to be unmade, to be sent back into unreality.

I gaze upon the motes of purest Umbra, the jet black onyx that is the soothing darkness of the furthest reaches of reality itself. Cautiously, I hazard touching one with the tip of my index finger. Several things happen simultaneously. Sensation, knowledge, understanding try to flood themselves into the core of my being, yet I only gain a glimpse, a fraction of the story being told. An invisible wave travels eastward, disintegrating a quarter mile of soil, as if it were simply calmly taken away by the darkness in an instant, sent beyond the edges of the universe. Further, I begin falling. My ankles sink into nothingness, I lose my balance and fall backwards into my own shadow, falling through it into the empty darkness beyond.

I gaze about from my new location. I try to swim but there is no fluid to grab for purchase upon, to move through. There isn’t even air to push against as I contemplate changing into draconic form to glide around. I don’t feel a vacuum trying to draw the breath from my body, or my eyes from their sockets, thankfully.

I test exhaling the tiniest fraction of breath, and this shadow universe recoils at this shared matter that I grace it with. The darkness itself undulates and ripples away from where I’ve exhaled. The ripple seems to travel away for an eternity. There is nothing to truly see, no actual horizon in this absence of light, but the ripple reaches some point in the limitless beyond where the undulation, the ripples reverse direction. At some point, after several hundred years of waiting, the ripples return and cascade into me. There’s a recognition, some understanding made by the cool calming darkness. Umbra pushes against me. It knows me, it accepts me, but at least one of the two of us is not ready for a connection, not yet. I find myself lying on my back at the bottom of the canal where I’d fallen.

I gasp for breath and gaze around, trying to determine how long I’d been gone. Lao sits fretting at the edge of the canal, only just beginning to stand as if she’s determining whether or not to climb down to drag me out. Did all that truly happen in mere moments? I struggle to my feet, and I feel the tiniest bit lighter. An infinitesimally small fraction of some weight that bore down on me has lifted. Progress is being made, yet something tells me I can’t use the same method to try to resume the connection. Still, I motion to Lao to follow along the edge of the canal, since we’ve made hours worth of progress with that single spell. I walk along its bottom, gazing wistfully up at my beloved clan elder. One I would happily call mother, or mom. I flash her a wide smile with grateful tears that dance upon my lashes.

As we reach the new edge of the canal, I once again reach out, begging the universe, the systems of our reality to grace me with the presence of the Umbral motes. After several minutes, the universe seems to relent, but Umbra itself does not. We don’t have a connection yet. There are further secrets to unlock. My understanding was broadened however. My guess as to the nature of Umbra must have been at least somewhat in the correct direction. It’s not just the absence of light at the edge of the universe though. It’s somehow the shadows within every being. It’s the cool darkness of transdimensional space within our inventories. It’s so many things that have always been with me and around me. Unobserved, underappreciated.

I sigh, unable to make further progress with it at the moment. There’s definitely something to this notion though. A source for my powers, for magic in general that won’t harm the land. I use JT propulsion magic to fling myself up towards Laomati. I smile as I lean into her embrace. Lao strokes the back of my head and coos soothingly, almost as if she’s trying to calm herself. Actually, she might be. She did just witness me unleash a new type of magic of a terrifying magnitude. Sure, it took around half of an hour to perform, but when it finally unleashed, it was almost as frightening as my Black Ice finisher. Perhaps only a thousandth of the scale, or a ten thousandth. But to wield even a fraction of that power on my own, without the aid of hundreds of mages pouring their all into me, without having to evolve to a fourth stage, or enter a limit break, well, I’d understand if she were nervous.

Yet I’m wrong. Lao mumbles, “My poor darling, you touch forces I can’t even begin to comprehend as if it were just a fact of the matter that you need to. You struggle against time and beasts and gods and the world itself. I’ve done you so much wrong by telling you where I believed you to sit though. You aren’t alone at the loom of fate. We’re with you, we’re always with you. You don’t need to do this alone. My poor child. How much you must hurt to bend the rules of reality time and time again, struggling against everything set before us. We love you. We love you. Don’t ever forget that. No matter how hard it becomes to see it. Through whatever dark haze clouds your thoughts, whatever ominous gloom shrouds your mind in a fog that hides our love from you, remember that it is always there.”

I break down in tears once more. This time though, they’re tears of gratitude. I can’t respond to Laomati. I have no words. After several minutes of crying into her breast, we resume our work. She aids me in ambling about, as my limbs are still weak, but after several meals together over the course of the day, I can at least walk again. Still, I can feel the mana tearing me apart on the inside, trying to force its way out and open yet more wounds once again. Do I dare stop? What is the right course of action? If I push through, will my body eventually become accustomed to this overuse? Or will I permanently ruin myself? Will I become incapable of using magic at all if I continue on like this? It’s then that I sense a rustling in the canopy fast approaching from the west and I gently shove Lao behind me as I turn to face it, preparing to cover Lao in case it’s Mat firing lava at us.

My heart soars for joy when my assumption is wrong. Teuila and Linti rocket into view, and I assume my taller form in order to catch them in my arms. I’m bowled over into Laomati and the four of us begin laughing and shedding quiet tears as we all hold one another. Still, despite the joy at our reuniting, I sense a somberness in both the air, and in the wavelengths of my two beloved ones. It seems both parties have ill tidings to share.

Te starts out by helping Laomati up, and hugging her tightly. Linti stands back a moment, scratching the back of her head and gazing around. I can sense that Linti wants to kiss, but she’s holding back for some reason. I’m not sure if she isn’t sure if it’s appropriate in front of Lao, or if she’s worried I wouldn’t be receptive, or something else entirely. I just know that she’s unsure for some reason. I approach Linti and wrap her up in an embrace so that we can share a tender kiss. Moments later, Teuila interrupts us to kiss Linti as well. Teuila then hip-checks Linti away to open up space to embrace me. When we have room, she kisses me next after leaping into my weakened arms. Thankfully, Teuila literally weighs nothing due to her bond with gravity.

We all stand around blushing slightly as Lao gazes at us with tenderness and glee for our shared happiness. As wonderful as this is, I sense something coming. I also have news to share with Linti that breaks my heart.

Teuila starts, “We couldn’t find them, the otters, any of them. They didn’t make any shelters on the beach or anywhere near the coast as far as we could tell. We looked so desperately, you have to know that we tried so hard. I want it to be true, for me, for us, for Lu. But I couldn’t find them. Lin, she, she kept traveling further and faster, everywhere at the edges of the forest for dozens, maybe hundreds of miles. I’m sorry Reggie, I’m sorry Lao. Lao you probably don’t even know what I’m talking about, but we went–”

Laomati interrupts Teuila by shushing her and pulling her into a hug, “Shh, I do, I do my dear. I know the miracle we’re all hoping for. My heart is ill prepared to believe it’s even possible, yet this is not the same as proving it was impossible. It’s okay. It’s okay, my beloved warrior, protector of this family.” Lao strokes Teuila’s head as Teuila cries softly.

I inhale a ragged breath when I realize I haven’t been breathing. I telepathically send to Linti and Teuila, “Linti, Te, so much happened. I killed Mat, but Lu revived him, wrapped him up, shoved his face in a book and ran away with him. Lord Deckard Agni, the Pure and Desolate, the god of fire beneath the fire biome began to wake up, so I went to talk to him. It worked, he doesn’t want to kill the mortals, us. But the entity came. It went into his mind, and it’s chasing his thoughts into his deep subconscious as he fights to stay asleep. The entity is going to make Lord Agni meet his four siblings. When the four meet, it could be the end of everything. We stand a chance though. If I can find the location of Tenith Grayl, the Sky Unending, and convince her to stay far away from our land, then the meeting never has to happen. I only need to keep a single one of them away from the other three.”

Te and Lin begin both asking questions too rapidly for me to comprehend or answer yet. I continue, “Lu left some instructions for me, we apparently have to finish getting this settlement ready. Something big is happening soon. Worse, Luni left me with a choice. She said I had to make it, but making it for you, Lin, it doesn’t seem fair. I can’t take your autonomy away and lie to you by hiding these options from you.”

Linti gazes at me perplexedly in and outside of our telepathic bond. Before she can ask for an explanation, I lay it out for her, “In one option, during some big event, you stay with us, to fight alongside us or something, and you die. She made it sound so utterly final. We never see one another again, in any sense. In the other option, at a certain time, you instead help as many Nagas as you can evacuate. I’m guessing you will have to help them evacuate to this settlement for some reason. In that option, she says we won’t see each other for a very, very long time. But at least in that option, we do see each other again. Linti I know that you would help us, that you would much rather fight alongside us than help Nagas move, but I can’t, I just, I can’t. I don’t want to lose you forever. Please make the second choice when the time comes, please. If it really is my responsibility to make the choice, I choose the second one.”

Linti drops out of the telepathic bond and passes her pawed hand over her scalp as she whistles a low note of comprehension. I burst into tears for what seems like the hundredth time in the last day. Teuila holds me as we stand atop our hill in the idyllic pasture of our shared mindscape. She tugs me into her private mindscape so that she can point to confusion, sadness, agreement, desire, love, grief, loss, and various mixtures of emotions about the news I’ve shared. I nod in understanding. It’s still hard for Te to express herself, and this is a massively difficult load of news to bear. We’re both coming to love Linti, our Lightning Hunter. What’s more, she’s still dealing with her attempt at searching the coast.

We retreat from accelerated thinkspace to reality. Lin looks a bit dumbfounded, and Te is trying to figure out where to even go after such news. Lao looks confused at our sudden silence.

I apologize, “Sorry Laomati, I just updated them, I gave them the short version of what happened since I saw them last. I haven’t even told them about the, eh, it’s not important. I’m healing fine.”

Both Lin and Te look at me in confusion. Laomati assumes I’m talking about the mana consumption tearing me apart from the inside, but it’s not even that. I haven’t told Laomati that I lost my limbs and had to reattach them with magic, that they’re still healing. I haven’t told Lao that I’ve progressed too far, too fast with my magic, and that continuing right now could injure or kill me, or permanently ruin my ability to use magic. I didn’t even tell her that the spell I did earlier let me connect with the edge of reality itself, the source of Umbra from the furthest beyond.

Lin and Te poke me telepathically, “You what!?” Oops. I was getting so used to being lonely in my own head and thoughts that I forgot that the ones most beloved to me can hear my inner monologue if they’re riding my thought waves, or if I’m thinking strongly about them.

Lin telepathically mutters, “Crap and a half Shellcracker, Reggie. Come on, seriously? Those things on top of that other one? Hell of a thing to lay on a gal, ya know?”

With tears in my eyes I reply across our mental wavelength, “I know, I know, but please, please choose the second option. You know why I had to tell you, right? I can’t take a choice away from you. Even if it’s life or death, I could never do that to you. I honor you and value you. I trust you. I love you. I don’t want to lose you, but I won’t ever try to make your choices or control you.”

Lin just whistles that low note again and runs her hand over her scalp. Te slugs me in the arm.

I drop into reality and try to corral us into making the choices that affect the here and now, “So, my insides are suffering from extended magic use. I don’t fully know my limits, but I feel like I can’t continue today without suffering what I did yesterday. Yesterday I started spontaneously bleeding from internal lacerations that fired outwards around my joints. I pushed through about twenty or so hours total, maybe thirty, but I think the bleeding probably started after about six or so hours. I know the canal needs to be done, but Spice and Teodora pulled back everyone else who could do the labor and set me at the task. I’m going as fast and hard as I can, but I’m constantly starving, on top of this mana related pain.”

Te grumbles, “Those complete butts. I’ll give them a piece of –”

I interrupt, “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m the best chance at completing this quickly enough. I don’t understand the timetables, or exactly what’s happening. I don’t have messages from a future me yet, but Lu isn’t around to keep me from guessing anymore. I hate breaking her trust, but I’m pretty sure I’m puzzling out a lot of what’s going on. When I’m sure of the very final solution to whatever the big event is, then I’ll send back all the messages that I was meant to send.”

I heave a sigh, “One thing I’m just coming to realize is how dangerous it is to tread any path other than the one Lu has paved. I’ve got fragments of a memory from when we were standing with Elder Sthenic over Dehlia’s body. I made a choice, and I fractured the timeline. I think I chose not to pursue Mataalii. I chose to not kill him, because of Elder Sthenic’s persuasion. When I did that, I caused a paradox. So somehow, in our timeline, I definitely had to kill Mataalii, and Luni definitely had to bring him back.”

I continue, “I’ve also come to the realization of why I believe we had to purge our radiant forms. There are leylines below the crust of our world, but they look sick, weak, corrupted somehow. The energy in them is radiant energy. Somehow when we pull large amounts of energy from those leylines, parts of our world die, starting with the trees. There’s some other factor I don’t quite understand yet, but I think that’s part of why I’ve always felt bad to see them fall, especially senselessly.”

I even further state, “Just now when I was puzzling about Radiance and Umbra before you arrived, I tried to forge a connection only with the Umbral energy. I’m worried that even our creamy gray powers are a mixture of Radiance and Umbra, and that we’re tapping into that limited resource. I figure if we can connect to just Umbra, that wouldn’t happen. My guess is that Umbra is actually the space beyond the edges of the ever expanding universe. That would make it an infinite source. Still, when I tried, I was able to summon a massive spell from a single condensed mote of Umbral energy, but then I fell through my own shadow into a reality beyond the edge of the universe. The only thing in that endless expanse was pure darkness. I spent an eternity there. When I let my breath out into the expanse, the darkness rippled and recoiled. I think that, like the Radiance, it’s somehow alive in some way or another, it has some sort of will. It set me back on the ground the moment I had left.”

Linti stops me, “Wow, you really just don’t let up, do you Shellcracker? Reggie, I mean, one minute it’s a brother you have to kill, then it’s a god you have to put to sleep or talk out of a calamity, or you have a message about the future where I choose to die or not, and now you’re talking about talking to the forces of reality itself? I’ve asked it before, but what in the hell even are you?”

I chuckle and shrug, “Well, according to these people in this Miracle Oak settlement, I was once a gray soul, misshapen, spent, dying. That’s how they knew about the tomes. Somehow that soul, that version of me, before I spawned as Reggie far west of here, somehow that version of me knew about the tomes. That part still perplexes me.”

The jaws of all three women hit the floor at this latest revelation. I give a nervous chuckle and another halfhearted shrug. I’m definitely incapable of continuing today though. I desperately need food, and I just want to catch up with Lin and Te in ways that aren’t so fatalistic. I know how much I need my inner circle, how needy and lost I am without at least one of them nearby to ride around in my head. My self-doubt almost made me leave my family without sleep to continue the canal last night. Something in me had me convinced that I had no place, that I was unwelcome and worthless to them other than to do these tasks of magic.

I rattle my brain trying to shake loose the thoughts and the memories of my self-loathing that grew from those moments, standing alone amidst my own family. Come on Reggie, they’re here. Just be in the moment, be present. Look at Teuila. Her beautiful shining emerald eyes, the luxurious velvety coppery fur that adorns every inch of her. Linti’s topaz eyes, her firm, stern jaw, the captivating rosettes in her fur. Laomati, her tender gaze, her welcome embrace, her full, soft, comforting curves.

I smoothly exhale as I close my eyes, picturing the scene in which I stand. Teuila stands behind me to my left as I face Laomati, Linti is near my right shoulder, about to set her hand on my shoulder. Lao is gazing fretfully between the three of us, probably trying to decide who needs comforting. There’s something else, south.

I turn my gaze to the south and catch the faintest hint of a shadow of movement. It looked spiky, quilled. An angry hedgehog? Did that accidental mental wish actually bear fruit? I couldn’t give chase if I wanted to, and I don’t want any of us to bother chasing the figure. If they want to be seen, eventually they’ll introduce themselves. For now, let’s go home and have dinner. Ag and Fawn are waiting on Lao regardless.

Dinner with the family is joyous, despite the secrets several of us share about the ongoing and upcoming events. We can afford to enjoy the moment, I hope we can anyway. I suppose I’d send myself a message from the future, or send myself back in time if it turned out that I needed every last second spent digging. Or is that too trusting of future-me? If future-me doesn’t live to send the message back because of a mistake I make, there is no one in the future to trust. Well that’s a sobering thought. Thankfully my otter family is mostly omnivorous, so, while they definitely prefer meat, we can enjoy the produce from the shops. There are some among the critterkin who are obligate carnivores. This puts them at odds with the humans, when we have so few sources of meat and protein currently. Our extended cat family is among the obligate carnivorous side of critterkin, but Linti’s hunting has provided them a wealth of meat that they’ve stockpiled, even with as much as they’ve shared with my family and the other critterkin.

I remember how I joked once that bread and pasta are probably from some weird noodle monsters in wheat fields somewhere. Apparently along the coast, the respawning hostile creatures that Linti found were best describable as golems of bread. If we could find some baked bean elementals to go along with them, we could probably keep the human population fed. Hah. My fakeworld memories think that I’m being completely ludicrous, but this is the real world, magic does exist. So do gods and elementals and hostile respawning creatures that drop food when slain. Speaking of food, how have I never noticed that when eating, my wounds heal faster? Only slightly, but it’s still faster. I think I can notice now because of my electrokinetically enhanced internal senses. My nervous system never provided me with this much feedback before. I wonder if this is part of why I’ve been so hungry while working on the canal.

I realize I’ve been relying on magic so much to keep my emotions stable. Without Lil or Lu or Lin or Te, I’m completely at the mercy of my own thoughts. The hardest periods in my life are when I have to struggle against my own emotions alone. In fakeworld memories, no one has this sort of bond. They have to rely on medication and therapy to try to cope with the sorts of issues that I struggle against. I feel bad for the humans in that world. Especially any that have to struggle against such things without access to healthcare like medication or therapy. Phew, I’m glad such a place doesn’t exist.

Being embraced on either side by Linti or Teuila helps remind me of my place in our family, as we bed down for the night. Jaz and Dream even deign to sleep closer to my inner circle, probably to keep an eye on me so that I don’t get any ideas about marching off in the middle of the night to work on the canal. They don’t have to worry, but it’s sweet of them regardless. I feel like they’re actually coming to view me as a precious little sibling. It warms my heart that they’ve found each other and are joining the shared love of my family so deeply. Lao, Fawn, and Ag all make certain that my inner circle is pressed tightly up against one side of their pile as well. The three pairs of twins are in their own small pile tonight, along with Magnus, Spring Blossom and Six Wind are back from wherever they had spent the previous night, and they’re cuddling with the Mana twins, and Sugar and Spice. Even Elder Winter is surrounded on all sides by the spheriforms of the cat family, and Gentle Ice sleeps just outside the ring of small spherical cats.

I think tomorrow Lin and Te are going to resume hunting in The Hollow. I’d love to join them, but I don’t know the time limit to accomplish our tasks. If I suddenly see some great sky dragon serpent thing, I’ll abandon everything and go try to talk to her. Until then, I just have to proceed with business as usual until the canal is done. Then I’ll ask anyone and everyone if there are any hints about a sky deity or her location.

My family has grown and grown so much since the days when I was lost and alone. This family, this world, this love, this life, I’m so enamored of it. I’d give anything to protect it. These are my last thoughts as I drift to sleep holding Linti in my arms as my little spoon, with Teuila embracing me from behind as my big spoon.

When I was learning supposed magic from our neighbors in the Hidden Heart, I saw more wildlife than anywhere else. Everywhere I’d been on my travels I’d see bits and pieces of fauna here or there, but the Hidden Heart was home to so many creatures. Deer and their fawns, raccoons and foxes, fish aplenty, predators and prey in their endless cycle of life. One of my favorite sights was along the stream that passed through the Hidden Heart. Outside the settlement the stream picked up speed and widened into a river. A family of river otters had taken over an abandoned beaver dam. They were such curious creatures, completely unafraid of me and my passing. Though defensive. At least one of them stood at the fore of the others, possibly warding them from me. I’m trying to distract myself from memories of Eights. I’m hoping that I can prevent myself from seeking comfort away from these memories in the lap or bed of some maiden.

When did I get to this hallway? My room is two doors back that way. This door, this belongs to, ah, Taylynn was her name I believe. The princessora. That’s what we would refer to her as, since she’s a highborn woman taken to the saddle and sword. Or maybe that’s just me. I apparently did too good a job at distracting myself if I ended up here. I’ll just turn to take my leave.

Creak!

Of course these rickety floorboards are that loud as I spin on my heels. Still, if I make haste none need be the wiser.

Groan!

And that would be the door opening as I turn to walk away. And of course the hinges of the door are so loud when burdened with the heavy wooden doors. I glance back over my shoulder through the now open doorway. Without her cuirass obscuring her upper torso, the fine cut of her linen tunic accents her slender form nicely. Despite the muscles that are plainly visible, there’s a delicateness there of womanly charms.

Taylynn appears to be in the midst of removing a leather waist-cinch which was beneath her cuirass. She offers, “Don’t be shy, come on in. I promise I won’t bite.” Then she salaciously adds, “Unless you ask.”

Hm? Why am I blushing as I wake up? I think my ear is in someone’s mouth.

I try not to laugh as I ask, “Teuila, are you eating my ear?”

Teuila, her mouth full, responds, “Vwhaf? I on’t know what you’re falking abouf” Her tongue tickles the ridge of my ear the entire time she speaks.

I burst into laughter, and can’t reach my hand to my face to cover my mouth since it’s gripped tightly by Linti’s arms. What is it with my family and loved ones and friends licking or nibbling on me lately? When did it even start? Was it on the Night of All Burn with Lucky? I can’t recall if it was before that.

Luna lets out a lonely groan and whumpfs in front of the door to our home. I hadn’t seen her much in quite a while. I struggle against the pair of Lin and Te from my beloved inner circle. I fight through their wonderful affections to go check on our bear friend. Luna seems physically alright, but she looks sad somehow. I’m not sure how a beak communicates emotions, perhaps it’s her eyes. I approach and wrap my arms around Luna’s neck, Luna clasps me in a one-armed bearhug that leaves me breathless, with her right forepaw by way of freakishly flexible shoulders. I’ll make sure to spend time with her every day until we can reunite her with Luni.

I feel fit to tackle the day, so I thank Laomati for yesterday’s help, and ask Dream and Jazharn to join me again today. I know I need to take more frequent breaks, and to stop when I’m at my limit, but I should still be able to complete the canal within a couple of week’s time. The days begin to blur together as I spend my time working with Dream, Jaz, Luna, and occasionally Adom. Adom really only stops by to poison my food and drink, or to flirt with Jazharn who doesn’t return his solicitations. Luna manages to help a bit. She can run on ahead to dig a large portion of a load while I work on summoning and dispersing several other loads of soil. Still, after each day, when my insides are nearly to the point of joining my outsides, I retire to my beloved family, and Linti and Teuila rejoin from their hunts. Linti and Teuila have been making fantastic progress with their abilities. I somehow barely even took note of Teuila’s wind powers before or after she revealed her archery to me. Apparently that’s all the wind magic she has though, the spell that laces her arrows in a swathe of wind to increase their size, mass, velocity, and overall power. I guess it technically creates her arrows out of wind as well, since she doesn’t actually have to draw one from her quiver to nock it to her bowstring.

I wish I could join Lin and Te on their hunts, but Jaz and dream provide entertaining company at least. I also wouldn’t be able to comfort Luna at all if I were at the insect warrens of The Hollow, rather than here along the Canal. I can at least keep Luna fed so she doesn’t have to run all the way to either the coast, or the river, to commence fishing. Jaz talks about how she grew up in Geawerene’s frontier town. She mentioned that it originally had contact with Geawerene on a regular basis until a couple of years ago, when the Leviathan started moving around. It became too dangerous to send ships back and forth anymore, so they became more and more reliant on their horrible food system. We both shudder at the implications, but she tries to switch to lighter topics. She talks about a friend she had, one who was vehement against joining the military, a Bartolomeo. Very few people in the city had last names, since family names were reserved for noble families. Her argument to Bartolomeo was that almost no one outside of the military could learn magic, that her best chances to learn any were by joining. Bart felt that not even learning magic was worth joining something where you might have to fight, or kill, or be killed someday.

Jaz tries to laugh off how sad she is. The only survivors of Geawerene’s frontier town are of course the military’s advance force. Even though she and Bart had their falling out, she never thought poorly of him, and she still missed him. She still misses him. A couple of ragtag ragamuffins growing up on the street, both entranced by the spectacles of magic, one willing to go to great lengths to obtain it, the other not. It’s a sad story in its own right, especially its tragic ending. Still, Jazharn feels like the world is brighter than she ever imagined with the change in the human population’s view of critterkin, and her own falling in love with Dream, and being accepted into our family.

It takes several days worth of us working together for Jaz to share most of her childhood stories of Bart, and her overall take on the events that have transpired since then. She actually laments being chosen to face off against me during my exhibition match, but feels like she wouldn’t have the love of her life right now if it hadn’t happened, so she doesn’t want to alter the past. I wonder if she says that because she knows I can send messages to my past self, or if she’s just being nostalgic while trying not to seem regretful. I’m grateful for her company regardless. Dream isn’t very talkative during our days together for the most part, unless Jaz convinces her to tell a story, with included hand signs.

Dream has a wealth of tales, but rarely shares more than two. One is a fable about a grasshopper and an ant, with a moral of hard work and diligence. Another is one of a king whose greed knew no bounds, when granted his greatest wish, he lost everything, by way of turning it all to gold. She talks about how being a storyteller is sometimes like being trapped in a position where you have to know a thousand and one tales to stand a chance at appeasing your audience. She admits that she knows her family wouldn’t fault her for being unable to come up with a new tale. Plus, we have Agwai, and sometimes Luni, to pick up any slack if Dream doesn’t feel like orating on a given night.

Oh Lu, where could you even be right now? What are you doing? My eyes begin to itch and get puffy as tears start to form, but I rub them as I finish my work. A few more loads of soil, and we connect the entire ravine from moat to coast. The lock and mini dam are already in place. Several dozen humans have a miniature settlement out here to keep the bread golems away from the construction. It’s a bit funny, but they’re capable warriors.

Jazharn actually breaks off from us as I’m finishing my last few loads of soil. Dream watches the both of us from a position seated atop the canal’s lip. Jaz is apparently fighting off a small wave of hostile bread behemoths. I can’t help but laugh due to my fakeworld human memories. Animated bread. Maybe even sentient. The mere idea is ludicrous, something out of a cartoon as far as those memories are concerned.

Finally, my work is completed. I haven’t made any more progress contacting the natural forces of Umbra the entire time I’ve worked on this project, but I’m still hopeful. My body hasn’t made much progress on being able to handle my new maximum mana limits. Worse, While I’d normally be excited to have made even more skill and mana progress over the last week or two, I’m only more afraid of how much I could ruin my body if I went all out at some point. No wonder the systems of the world don’t want us abusing limit break capabilities. We’d destroy ourselves.

Spice has designed some netting that may be able to coax some fish spawn points to move, or duplicate, I’m not exactly sure on all of the terminology he used, or the methods behind its supposed function. Still, a small force of our best aquatic types, naiads, ashrays, water sprites, otters, and so on, manage to corral schools of fish with the netting, and bring them all the way up our new river to its moat. It would normally take them the better part of a day or two to make the journey, but with the ocean washing in from its uphill location for the first time, they can nearly ride the waves all the way to our moat. We did of course create the slightest gradient that leads to an ever so slightly lower base at the moat, so that the ocean will always flow in. It’ll be a bit weird to have a saltwater river and lake, but maybe that will have its own uses.

We’ve built a double lip, and the respawning lumber warren, and managed to create a tiny respawning granite quarry, and clay quarry, all within a short swim and a walk along a spiral that leads beneath our moat. It intermingles with the roots of the Miracle Oak on occasion, so we make sure to allow room for it, to respect its life and needs. For the most part, we’ve tried to make our moat and canal impermeable to prevent soil erosion or changes to the water levels in the soil. Hopefully our efforts are successful at keeping things in a sort of, what’s the word, homeostasis?

Spice and Teodora’s workforce is following along behind me, they have been every day, reinforcing the canal, the ravine, whatever you’d like to call it. When I finished my last load of soil, the two workforces, the one from the front and the one from the rear, combined their efforts to finish up the last reinforcements within a few minutes.

I let myself flop backwards and lay gazing up at the canopy. Luna of course comes to rest heavily on my chest, knocking the wind out of me. Jazharn laughs and drags Dream to sit up against Luna’s haunches. We deserve a few minutes of rest at least.

I look back at my life, the people we’ve lost, or killed. Many of the deaths around me in my life were at my own hands. Even the ones perpetrated by Mataalii could possibly be attributed to me, if future-me had the ability to stop him earlier, but prevented current-me from doing so. I don’t have many enemies left alive, or at least, I don’t think many of the people who are hostile to me are still alive, the ones that are alive seem unlikely to act openly or seek me out.

The phoenix and the roc are a happy couple, but I doubt they’d tolerate my presence much more. Any future accidental run-ins I have with either one could end in disaster. I got lucky to escape with my life this last time. Priss, well, she’s someone I’ll always be wary of. At a moment’s notice she could order everyone, Sir Reginald included, to try to seize the Miracle Oak or fight against everyone living within and around it. Sir Reginald has been less pleased with my presence as of late. I don’t know what I’ve done, or haven’t done, that earned his ire. Maybe he simply empathizes with Priss now, perhaps she told him about how I left the frontier town originally, when I shot viscera and a severed head into her face and threatened to raze everything to the ground. I wouldn’t blame him for his dislike of me.

There’s still dozens, maybe hundreds of beavers who were originally in the MCF, they definitely don’t like me, but I think they’re smart enough to finally stop causing trouble. There’s the nearly thousand critterkin that broke off to start a settlement in the southwest on their own. I hostilely threatened them and sent them packing. They definitely don’t like me. If any of them had the skills of an assassin, I should probably be wary. Worse, I should be worried about them taking out their frustrations on my loved ones. But they probably don’t know who I am or who my loved ones are, since they broke off before really getting to know any of us.

I’m getting distracted. I have a wonderful bear sitting atop me, a couple of laughing lovers sitting nearby. Not my lovers, obviously, each other’s lovers. They’re like sisters to me, this whole train of thought got weird. Bleugh. Alright, yeah, now I need a new distraction to distract from my previous distraction as well as my current train of thought, great. Maybe Teuila and Linti will be returning by the time we head back home.

If I had to walk at a normal person’s pace, it would take over ten hours to make it home, thankfully, Luna can lope at over ten times that speed, carrying the three of us. If I really wanted to, I could rocket us all through the air at probably ten times that speed. It’d be a lot harder with Luna, without Teuila to reduce Luna’s gravity, since Luna is absolutely massive. I don’t think I could reach my normal maximum velocity. Actually I might destroy any shell that I tried to make, even from umbral duplication, if I tried to hit it with enough force to send us all flying with Luna’s added weight.

Regardless, we make it home relatively near mid-evening. Thankfully, Lin and Te are arriving as well. I leap off of Luna and rush to lift my beloved pair into my arms. Over the last week or two, Linti’s curves have filled out ever so slightly, she’s put on the tiniest bit of softness and padding in pleasant places, while Teuila has had the opposite occur. Teuila’s muscles are more defined than ever, her taut form is easily discernible beneath her fur. I find myself absentmindedly stroking each of them along the biceps or hips as I explore the changes in their forms.

Lin slugs me in the shoulder and snaps me from my reverie, while Teuila adopts the Shellcracker Family Squee, that closed-eyed smile where her mouth is barely open as she lets out a single audible elongated laugh sound, “Heeeee.” I blush, realizing I’ve been standing around stroking my beloved ones in the middle of the plaza, with Jaz, Dream, and Luna catching up from behind. Jaz coughs politely to mark her approach. This only causes me to blush even more furiously.

I cough to both shake my embarrassment and to acknowledge Jaz as I begin, “Tonight might be the last restful night I’ll have for a while. I would like Te and Lin to join me for what’s about to happen, but I don’t know if Linti should. She has her family, our family, Dream and Jaz included, to look out for, here, after all. I’ll likely be sailing the skies and the seas on this next leg of our adventure. I know that neither one is exactly Lin’s specialty.”

Linti grumbles and socks me again roughly in the shoulder, and slugs me lightly in the gut. Telepathically she sends an annoyed agreement. She also takes me aside into private thinkspace for a moment to embrace me, and kiss me both apologetically, and passionately. She knows that it’s nearing time where we’ll be making risky decisions that might mean never seeing each other again. After a few minutes in our private realm, sharing our love, Linti ranting momentarily about how she’d fight anything and that I’m crazy to think that we can’t beat something between the three of us, Linti finally gives in and just enjoys our embrace. After a few minutes more, we both drop back to reality.

Teuila raises an eyebrow as her glance flicks back and forth between the two of us. I can tell Teuila hauls Linti into a private thinkspace for a moment as well, likely sharing the same few minutes I just shared with her. Or maybe she has something else to say to Linti, I don’t know for sure, but that’s their own business, if they want me to know, they’ll share.

I continue, “So Jaz, Dream, I really want to thank you both, and ask you two for a favor. Luna here is going to be exceedingly lonely without Luni, more so now that Teuila and I are going to be leaving soon. Could you make sure she has company? Maybe if you take up some work or some project around the settlement, could you find a place for her to either help, or at least hang out?”

Jaz shrugs while smiling, as she’s about to answer, Dream beats her to the punch, “As much as I hate everything and everyone, I don’t hate you or the bear or Jaz as much as anything else. You’re all pretty tolerable. We’ll handle it.”

I purse my lips as I bite them to prevent myself from laughing. That’s about the most affection Dream will admit for anyone other than Jaz, and she only admits it to Jaz in writing or signs. I smile as I nod gratefully while Jaz and Dream share a short conversation in sign language. I’ve only picked up on bits and pieces, but I’m pretty certain Dream basically shared that she agrees and it’s fine.

As I’m about to detail some of what we need to do, Fawn approaches us and states, “I’ll be borrowing Reggie for a short while, see you all after dinner!”

I’m suddenly hauled bodily away by Fawns At Sunsets while I hear several objections that are cut off before they can even begin to be voiced. I shrink to my cherubic Reggie form reflexively, embarrassedly, and this only helps Fawn lift me into her arms to carry me away more smoothly and quickly. She smothers my face angled inwards to her chest and the pillowy cushions that sit thereupon.

I start, “Fawn, um, I’d be happy to snuggle, really I would, but some big things are happening, and I was going to –”

Fawn interrupts, “Bup bup, my cuddlesome little sweetheart, do you think Laomati would really let all your work go unappreciated?”

I respond, confused, “My what? I’m not really doing all that much. I’m just doing what I can, it’s my job.”

Fawn chortles and boops my nose with her free hand, now that she’s carrying me in a single arm. She makes sure my face continues to be angled such that it’s buried between her breasts, “Of course you would feel that way. Anyway my dear, I will definitely take you up on that offer to snuggle after this event. I’ll hold you to it, so you’d better treat that like a promise. Anyway, here is your surprise.”

Fawn finally frees me from her chest. As I set my feet to the ground, my face flushes with embarrassment. I turn as I’m greeted by yells of surprise from my friends and family. Linti and Teuila are here as well, but looking mildly surprised themselves. My heart momentarily stops from the shock of it all. I clutch my chest and gasp. Who gave them the idea for surprise parties?

I gaze around at Lin, Te, Fawn, Lao, Ag, Sugar, Spice, ‘Naia, M^2, Magnus, Blossom, Six, Dream, Jaz, Luna, the smaller cats, even Bettie and Elder Tolkenstein are here. Teuila and Linti look at least somewhat surprised at the turn of events, so they hadn’t been filled in on this until the last minute apparently. Lao actually ushers everyone to various positions, setting Teuila, Linti, and me off to one side.

Laomati starts, “Today, like many others, we have much to celebrate, the love of a large and wonderful family, the constant adoration we share for one another, our luck in making it through so many trials and tribulations. And of course we have our beloved protectors to celebrate as well. No matter what strange journeys their position may take them on, we must always be vigilant of ourselves, to make sure that they’re aware, constantly reminded that they are loved, appreciated, not taken for granted. Not only that, but that they are not alone. They have one another, and should they need us, they have us. Any one of us would answer their calls, attend to their needs”.

There are cheers of agreement and assent. I feel viscerally uncomfortable with this sort of attention. This is not the kind of way I want to be recognized or what I want to be known for. I just want quiet time snuggling with those most beloved to me. I only ever threw the first party to share the idea with my family. After that I made sure to avoid any spotlight or attention in any additional parties we had ever thrown. I’m so grateful for Lao’s desire to help fight off my negative feelings, but I don’t know what to do about this. There’s panic rising, welling up within me. I don’t want to ruin their good cheer, to spoil the happiness that they’re trying to share with me.

I drop into accelerated thinkspace to cry alone in frustration and fear. I know this is exactly what Lao didn’t want to have happen, she’s trying so hard to meet my needs, to keep me from suffering, or withdrawing into myself. There’s a crashing, shattering sound. My private thinkspace begins to crumble around me. It’s as if all of my internal reality is tumbling away into nothingness like broken glass from a shattered mirror.

Suddenly in that empty space, I see Teuila and Linti bashing away simultaneously at nothing, but also what seems like a prison of light. The edges are hard, sharp, but they persist. Their mental avatars shred their knuckles and limbs against the edges of my own solitary prison. I don’t want them to hurt, or to suffer for me.

I call out, “Stop, stop, what’s going on? You’re hurting yourselves. Just, just please, stop. I’ll be okay, I just need some time to cry and sort out my feelings so that I don’t do it in front of everyone when they’re being so nice and wonderful and kind and happy.”

Both gals reach towards where I float in the sparkling crumbling nothingness of my private mindscape. I sigh as I relent, taking their hands, fretting over their telepathic scars and lacerations.

Linti pulls me in tightly first, “Nothing’s ever easy with you, is it, Shellcracker? Reggie, I can’t say I know what you’re feeling, not the way that you feel it, but come on, do I look like I like being the center of attention any more than you? I’ve got your back, and you’ve got mine, right?”

I nod shyly. Teuila continues, “I enjoy this, but I could sense right away how much this scared and scarred you. Let’s just wait for Lao’s announcement to finish, and head to a quiet corner to calm down a bit, okay my spootaloot?”

I can’t help but to chuckle at Teuila’s random insulting terms of endearment as I nod, rubbing my itchy, puffy eyes. Even though they’re the eyes of my telepathic avatar, the sensations are so real. I wonder if my own private thinkspace is now permanently shattered. I wonder if it’s no longer private at all because of Te and Linti. I can tell they don’t regret that possibility at all. They know that generally I’m only ever in my own private thinkspace to not worry others when I’m down on myself.

Still, we return to meatspace, only fractions of a second have passed as Lao continues, “What’s more, we have one another to be thankful for, and every day we should affirm our love of one another. No matter how many decades, years, months, or days we have together, each one of them should be cherished. I love you all, my beautiful children, and family.”

There are more cheers of agreement from the wonderful people at hand. Elder Tolkenstein stays silent, but I’m surprised at her even being present. I thought the only person that might know that I knew her was Luni. I don’t think I spoke about her to anyone else. Regardless, Teuila, Linti and I try to stay as out of the spotlight as we can for the rest of the evening, as we go around sharing our thanks and gratitudes, our affirmations of one another.

Mine are fairly simple, “All of you, all of you and every day we’ve ever had or ever will have together.”

There’s more I could say, but I really only want to say it to Teuila, Linti, Lil, Luni. I want them to know how precious and special they are, how beautiful and strong and kind and wonderful and splendid and talented and driven and brave they all are. Well, at least Te and Lin know how I feel, they’re grinning at me like goofballs. I flush with embarrassment since my thoughts are on full display to the two of them.

I find a few moments to take Laomati off to the side and let her know how grateful I am for how kind she is and how much she obviously cares to have brought this together for all of us. I mumble about how I’m uncomfortable with appreciation and spotlights, trying to minimize my discomfort so as not to hurt her feelings. I think Laomati understands and isn’t taking personal affront to my admission, or hurt from it. I love her so much. I’m blessed beyond measure to have stumbled into this family, of all the places I could have ended up, in all the ways I could have traversed the paths in my life.

Oddly, it's Elder Tolkenstein that drags me to one side at this point, “So your Luni, the beautiful otter lass that you described, I did deliver the message you asked. It seemed she was already aware of what would transpire. Moreover, she told me to stay abreast of the canal’s completion, and to keep a weather eye out for your family on that day. She asked me to find this and give it to you on such a day as now.”

Rinnia hands me a thick roll of vellum. As I unroll it, it appears to be an incomplete map of our island continent, but there are strange markings in continuous patterns around the map. They look like the sort of navigation maps one would use for sailing, ocean currents and the like, but they’re also over land. Wait, wind currents? My vision narrows as my heart rate skyrockets with apprehension. Is Luni still guiding my fate? Did she know I would have to find Tenith Grayl, the Sky Unending? Or did she even know what she sent Elder Tolkenstein to fetch for me? There do appear to be gaps in her knowledge quite frequently.

I ask, “Are these, are these maps of wind currents? There’s a jumbled floating mass along one edge, if it’s some sort of floating island, or creature, it’s exactly where I need to go.”

Rinnia nods, “I don’t know where your path lies, Old Soul, but it seems you’ve picked quite the allies for your journey. You’ve found yourself a kind, loving family. Something I’m saddened we hadn’t thought to give you while you resided here. I’m glad you found your place though. Whatever your place in this world is, I know that the space you take up yearns to be filled.”

The elder always has that curious inflection whenever she says the word space. Still, she clasps my hands momentarily before she walks away from the party without saying another word. As the party seems like it might continue full swing into the night, I edge away from the festivities in the clearing we’ve taken over for the eve. Fawn catches sight of my attempted flight, and requests alone time for us so that I can keep the promise she’s holding me to.

As nervous as I am around her, I’m grateful for the diversion and excuse to leave. We’re back in the home that has been set aside for our family until the construction crews can begin building further housing. Fawn sets atop several pillows as she lays on her side, facing me, patting a spot in front of her. I take up my larger form, the one I use to make Linti feel safe and loved while cuddling, and I lay into Fawn’s embrace.

We spend what must be hours into the night kneading each other’s muscle knots with our arms wrapped around each other. Fawn’s jaw lays against my neck the entire time. As she purrs the vibration of her affection rumbles against my own throat the entire time. I find my right hand drifting upwards to her shoulders and skull and cheeks, so that my thumb eventually caresses her jawline. I come to realize that I’m gazing into her eyes sleepily, slowly blinking in time with her own slow blinks. I begin to fall asleep in Fawn’s embrace, our legs wrapped tightly around one another. Our chests expand and contract as our breaths press our chests against each other in unison. Each of us lays with an arm locked under the other’s body. Her right arm is trapped under me, my left arm under her. Our opposite hands lazily play affectionately with each other’s scalps in our last few minutes of wakefulness. Our family slowly filters in as we drift off to sleep.

One of my last waking thoughts is that if I fail, this may be the last time I ever snuggle with Fawn, one way or another.

When I rouse from slumber, what I’m awakened by is Linti dragging me out from under four other bodies. Fawn and I are completely entangled, Lao and Ag are sleeping atop her, Teuila was sleeping atop me at my back, and Linti behind her, until now anyway. Teuila lets out a tiny soft snort as Linti drapes her arms over Fawn while extricating me.

Lin flicks her head towards the door, and I follow her outside into the predawn air of the courtyard, morning dew still settling atop the blades of grass. Well, maybe it’s not a courtyard, I don’t know what you’d call the space between a Miracle Oak, and the projected illusion of non-occupancy that borders its, uh, border. Without warning, Linti embraces me warmly, passionately, and though I’m startled, I return her affection as my lips meet hers.

She breaks off to say, “Shellcracker, Reggie, I don’t want to die any more than the next person, heck, maybe a bit less. This isn’t fair. You don’t even know when the choice is? Which fight? Which mission? I have to let you and my Toots go off and do these things, maybe one after another, until we’re sure it’s really the last big thing, and then we don’t see each other, for some unknown long time? Maybe almost forever? That doesn’t sit well.”

I hold my hand over my mouth and can’t meet Linti’s gaze. I want to be selfish, I want to beg and plead for her to make the second choice. Tears form in the corners of my eyes, but I try to remain silent as she says her piece.

Linti requests, “Come on, talk to me bud, we’re, agh, I love ya, I can sense what you want to say but I need to hear you say it. You know what I’ll choose if you don’t say it.”

I gulp back a sob and gnaw on my lips as I meet Linti’s gaze, “Please, please stay and protect our family, and when the time comes, help the Nagas. I don’t know when that time is. I know it’s selfish, I know how much you want to help, how much you care, how powerful you are. Please Lin, I’m begging you. Please make that choice, the choice is yours. I do love you, we are, like you say, I don’t want to go into a future where we never see you again.” I find myself blubbering by the end of my plea.

Linti rubs the back of her head, “Awe hell Shellcracker, my bud. What was it you said once? All you had to do was ask. I mean, it’s a hell of an ask, but that’s all you had to do.” Linti ruffles my hair.

I slug Linti playfully in the shoulder, “You big jerk, playing it off like that.” I sniffle, “I was wracked with guilt trying not to take that choice away from you.”

Linti pulls me in close once more and we kiss yet again, as we part she whispers, “I know, I know. Thank you. Good luck, you two. Tell my Toots how I feel for me, yeah? I hate goodbyes, so, uh. I’m going to go hunt now.”

Linti leaves without another word, and a familiar static hum passes through the air, along with the faintest hint of ozone that reaches even my nostrils which lack a sense of smell. She leaps away as a streak of lightning, and I’m left to break the news to Teuila. At least in this timeline, it sounds like she’ll probably live.

As everyone rises to greet the day, I go around and say my temporary farewells, letting them know that another adventure which must be completed awaits Teuila and myself. I’m so glad Teuila is coming. I wish Linti was as well, because I’m worried that Tenith Grayl may command lightning, which could very well strike me down, as well as Teuila. Still, I’m glad she was willing to make the choice to stay for now. I also wish I could at least verify with Luni if I was on the remotely right path. What’s her life like right now? What is she even up to?

Teuila catches me thinking about Lu and pouts. Sorry Te, we both miss her, I know. We both miss Lil too, even Lucky. It seems so weird that in what might be the end times, we’re scattered to the… four winds.

I whistle appreciatively, “Phewww, Lucky and Lil down towards the south, Linti over here with Spring Blossom at the Miracle Oak near the east coast, Lu who headed off somewhere west, and now we’re going to journey north past Fire Biome to seek out a castle in the clouds, or some mountain in the sky.”

Te looks mildly amused at my train of thought. She’s not unintelligent, but I don’t think the significance has dawned on her that the most powerful in our family have been spread out in the four cardinal directions. I mean, I suppose there might be no significance. It could just be a phrase that comes from my memories of fakeworld.

I embrace Teuila, and share my memories of Linti’s whispered words. We share our love and passion quickly, quietly, and I begin to summon our mode of transportation. Teuila read my logs, she knows I have a map to guide us. She knows my sense of direction is good enough to thread a dart through a goal net from miles away. She trusts me, and I just have to have faith in the both of us.

Teuila reduces the gravity and friction at the front of our roughly spherical umbral vehicle. This copy I’ve made is slightly more aerodynamic, but I’ve left air slits in it so that we don’t need to take oxygen breaks. Hopefully the locations I’ve placed them end up leaving us at least neutrally, if not positively buoyant against the air. Teuila’s power does mostly take care of that as well, so it’s not too big of an issue. We cuddle together in a thickly cushioned section at the bottom of our JT propulsion vehicle, and I launch us into the air roughly north by northwest.

Based on the map, the large mass in the sky would be hundreds of miles off the north coast of our island continent. There weren’t a lot of landmarks anywhere near. Obviously there were no landmarks indicated in the sea, but also none at the nearest point on the shore save what appeared to be a cliff that was split in twain. Maybe It’s two large tectonic plate edges that bumped into each other at an even level and were forced upwards. Maybe it was a single cliff that was split in two. Maybe it’s actually two enormous statues that have been eroded to look like little more than cliff facing.

Hm, the area with the cliff is coming into view, and it’s still hard to discern what it actually is. I guess all that matters is that we’re passing our only landmark, so I need to make sure our orientation is at least correct within a ballpark. From here it should be almost directly north. Teuila pulls out the compass orb just to verify our heading. I smile at her as we nuzzle noses together. She’s perfectly justified in being nervous about losing our course. We’re rocketing hundreds of miles per hour straight out over the sea where we will have no indication of how to return if we get turned around and lost. Thankfully Teuila’s orb and my nose can tell us where north is, and we could always head directly back south.

Quite some time passes, but it looks like a rocky spire pierces the clouds up ahead. The unusual thing is, the base appears to be the clouds themselves. This has to be what we’re looking for, although I’m not certain where Tenith Grayl, the Sky Unending, might be at the moment. Would this be her roost? Her resting place? Her throne? Wait, could the wind currents be her travel path? Would the cycle be daily? Weekly? Monthly? Yearly?

At least we have plenty of food and water in our inventories, and I can always disassemble the salt from the ocean’s saltwater below. I’d do that with my inventory crafting if we need more drinking water before Tenith Grayl arrives. Should we try to follow the currents on the map? If they’re only a rough estimate, we might never catch up to her. What if we went in the opposite direction? We’d surely meet, but then it would be head on in the midst of whatever routine she follows.

Te points out, “We can at least rest here til dawn tomorrow, to see if she happens to be ending her journey around now. If she doesn’t show up by then, then it’s probably not daily, and probably doesn’t happen to be the time of week or month when she’s due to return.”

I nod. Teuila helps reduce our gravity and velocity as I summon our vehicle to my inventory. We land upon a stony outcropping and settle in to rest, holding each other appreciatively. I’m glad I don’t have to do this alone, but I’m still terrified for both of our lives.

Quite some time after sunset, the sky seems to split, as it’s filled with a familiar static hum, and a hint of ozone so strong that it assails even my anosmic nostrils. It seems like a river of lightning flowing across the sky is headed straight for the spire from the horizon line.

In my head I hear, “Who dares loiter upon the Elysium Ascent?”

Teuila and I both clutch our heads as we double over and vomit lightning, electricity running rivulets out of all our orifices.