An Age of Mysterious Memories

B 3 C 33: A Canal Until Tenith Grayl

Lao blubbers in my arms, and I stroke the back of her head while she kneels before me. That was a lot to dump on someone. It was incredibly insensitive of me not to try to find a way to break all of that news slower. Though we do have the end of the world bearing down on us, so time is a precious commodity in some ways. We just don’t know exactly when it is, or I would be more judicious about various uses of time.

Even with my limbs reattached by transformation magic, the areas where the bones were sheared are incredibly, painfully fractured. It’s going to take some time actually resting in order to let natural regeneration knit them back together appropriately. I don’t want to have to tell Lao or any of the others about that though.

I’m concerned about Teuila having stopped by without mentioning where she’s going. Linti isn’t here or in the Nagas’ city either. My best guess is that Te asked Linti to take her to the coast to find out if Penina was really reborn. She probably didn’t want to get Lao’s hopes up, like I just did accidentally. I think Teuila’s safe speed is something like a fifth, maybe a quarter of the speed of sound right now, while Linti’s speed is darn near mach levels. I can only break mach speeds when using a ton of mana and layering several spells together. Even when I do that, I can’t see where I’m going, I have to take an educated guess based on my natural sense of direction if I want to do it safely.

I begin to speak up, “Lao, I’m so sorry for springing that all on you. I’m so sorry. I was being insensitive. I’m sure that’s why Teuila is gone, and Linti too. I’m sorry that Lil and Lucky are with the Nagas, but I’m sure what they’re doing is very important to helping us finally have a safe home. I don’t know if it would ease your mind or worry you more to know this last bit. Luni used the last phoenix feather on Mataalii after I slew him. She captured him though, and took him away somewhere.”

Lao looks distraught, and concerned, perplexed even. She queries, “Our little Luni did what? I can hardly bear the thought of what you had to do, but then she went and, and, what? Tell me that you understand what’s going on dear child, please?”

I try to exhale calmly through my nose before speaking, “I won’t lie to you, by claiming I understand what’s happening. But I will tell you that I have every faith in Luni and her actions. Faith beyond measure, beyond compare. Somehow, in some way, she is doing what’s right, or the closest thing she can to what’s right, for the greatest good. She had faith in me too, she always called me her hero.”

I pause for a breath but hold up a finger, “I’m not the real hero though. Luni is. You and Agwai are for keeping our family together. Teuila is for braving the emotional pain in case I was wrong to head west and find out for herself. Lil and Lucky are for taking on some task that’s so great that I’m not even allowed to know about it. Fawn is for providing an endless source of affection for her family and helping strengthen the ties that bind our critterkin and the humans. The twins, both sets of them are heroes, for continuing on in the face of what they’ve lost. What you’ve all lost. Linti is a hero for surviving an interspecies war, defending her family during it, and being willing and able to accept a peace later offered.”

I squeeze Lao tightly as I continue, “All of you marvelous, wonderful, amazing people have been my family this entire time, and any success you believe I’ve had is only because of the contributions of all of you. Without your love, our constant wellspring of affection, the support in and out of combat and other trying times, I would never have made it this far. None of what has happened would be possible without each and every one of you. I’m starting to really see that now. In the past I was frequently self deprecating, and often trying to be humble. But now I honestly understand for certain just how vastly we needed the help and inspiration of each and every one of you to make the choices we made, to have reached this point. Any victory belongs to all of us.”

I frown and look away, avoiding eye contact, “Even Mataalii.” I then mutter, “Luni really had her work cut out for her to keep all the pieces in place with me wandering around bashing into the edges of the puzzle all the time.”

At the mention of my erstwhile brother, Laomati frets as she stands. She alternates between fanning herself and wringing her hands. I can see the concern in her eyes as she decides whether or not to praise me or affirm my beliefs or otherwise try to push more acknowledgement or recognition onto me. I shake my head, knowing what she’s thinking. I don’t want acknowledgement for my part in the things we’ve accomplished. I’m not here fishing for compliments. I never was, even when I was being self-deprecating in the past. I’m trying to impress upon her how much we need one another, and how grateful I am that they are all who they are. I guess I could just say that.

I kiss Laomati’s cheek as I embrace her tightly one more time, then I step back to offer her breathing room and kiss her right hand, “Lao, I am so unbelievably, incredibly grateful for you, and all of my family. Life is only fulfilling because you’re in it, each of you. I aim to keep it that way.”

Lao frets, “But all this talk of gods and world-ending disasters, I just. I know that you can be a tad self sacrificial and melodramatic, and assumptive. But I trust you to never speak falsely. Is all this real? How do you intend to beat them?”

I smile and try not to chuckle, “It’s real, and I don’t. I plan to talk to them. For once, I’m not the wrong person to talk to others. Deckard, Lord Agni that is, he was willing to listen, but he was in a prime location for the, the.” I gulp as terror grips my heart, I clutch at my chest as my vision narrows and tunnels, “Red Eyes.”

I sink to my knees as my heart pounds thunderously in my ears, threatening to erupt from within. I spiral into day terrors as I relive so many hallucinations and nightmares and actual moments of terror related to the horrid entity.

I come to at some point that must be at least several minutes later. I find myself in Lao’s lap, as she’s stroking my hair and forehead, cooing softly in comfort. I cough for a moment as I get my bearings. I catch Lao’s hand for a moment to hold it, before I drag myself to a seated, then standing position, and offer her a hand up. Apparently I dropped into cherubic Reggie form at some point in the last few minutes.

I joke, “So, a little birdie told me that you proposed to Agwai. Lil didn’t know what kind of proposal, but I have the broken human society memories. Is it a marriage proposal? Were you gossiping with Bettie at some point? I imagine she would be one to talk about marriages.”

Lao smiles briefly. She’s momentarily no longer fretting over me or over the grand scale of the current goings-on in the world. Laomati nods, “Yes, it is precisely that. Obviously we haven’t chosen when we would have any sort of celebration or ceremony or whatever is called for, we would wait until things in our little world are settled and stable at the very least. It would be nice to have a Shellcracker family house again, I’d settle for a cave in a dam. I’d rather not be borrowing some human’s tent or some Fairies’ home.”

I grin, “I’ll see what I can do about speeding that process along at least. I think Luni wants me to help build a moat, or canal, or orchard, or various things to help stabilize a larger populace around here. When that’s handled I should be able to find some parcel of land for Sugar and Spice to set up a home just for us. When you say Shellcracker family, are the cat tribe included in that? I know Linti offhandedly called her family Shellcrackers, and I’m fond of them, but I wouldn’t want to impose, even on their behalf.”

Lao cups my cheek, “Of course they are, my beautiful child. I’d like to say we’d never turn away someone who has earned your, or any of our affection, but our family is quite large already for a home as small as we had at our beloved pond. At the very least, they are of course Shellcrackers already.”

I smile as I get another idea, “Who says it has to be as small a home as we had at the pond? Spice loves to design things. I bet he’d be ecstatic to design a larger home. I bet he could even design it to be future proof or something, easy to expand upon in case you ever decide to add more family members. Spice enjoys the challenge of designing things I bring up, I think.”

Lao smiles brightly in response, “Indeed he does. Still, a heart such as mine, I thought for so long I had only kept such a tiny piece of it. It felt bursting at the seams to welcome you and Lil into our family, I was overjoyed, and then the wave struck again, tearing more of my beloved children from me. I barely thought I could even manage to carry on, let alone ever have space in my heart to welcome new family members ever again. Then the journey was fraught with peril, and we welcomed Sugar and Spice. Despite all of the surrounding events, it felt like my heart was mending, and growing once again to be able to accommodate loving more wonderful family members. Even though it seemed as if you had been taken from us on some level. We held onto hope, believing in you.”

Lao strokes my cheek as she takes up a forlorn gaze, staring into the distance over my shoulder, “You returned to us, and our life at the pond became pure bliss. I thought for sure, that was the happiest I could possibly be. Moreover, an entire miracle happened within the pond. For certain, my heart was as full and mended as it could ever become, after all it had suffered. Somehow, months and months later you return with news of humans in the west, and danger. We prepare to lose it all, and though we do, we somehow gain hundreds of cousins. They’re all a loose family, all seeking a place in the world, lost and unused to even being allowed to live. They needed so much love and guidance. I wasn’t certain I could help any of them, but I’ve made such wonderful friends from the experience. Some day when you aren’t so burdened with responsibilities I’ll need to introduce you.”

Lao sighs wistfully, “Then further still, a beautiful family comes to walk alongside ours from one of your adventures, and further, yet more join us as serpents upon your return. Upon your return, the beautiful ones we’d become accustomed to calling close friends suddenly deigned to call us true family. We are truly blessed beyond all reason. My heart has swelled so far beyond the losses at Shellcracker Rocksmasher beach. It still aches to think about its losses, yet I couldn’t dare risk begging for things to change. This life, and these loves, I could not see me giving them away for the entire world.”

Laomati clutches her chest as she continues, “Still though, to think that yet one more miracle may exist out there, someday to perhaps rejoin us. I fear my heart can’t accept the possibility, it can’t take any more surprises, or new loves. Yet perhaps it shall have to suffer such fates, if only to spring free with yet more joy in years to come.”

Lao motions me to the side for a moment and we kneel near a tree. She answers a doubt that has lingered in my mind for close to two years at this point, “We wouldn’t have, none of us. I went over it in my head, time and time again, how far inland we ended up, we would not have survived the Night of High Water if we hadn’t met you.”

At first I was uncertain what she was explaining, until she mentioned the night itself. She explains further, “We were reluctant to move further inland than absolutely necessary, we would have returned close to the beach after hunting. The magnitude of the second wave was beyond anything ever imaginable. Now I believe I know why. Four of them, these god siblings you say? I assume one is of the waves, water, or seas?”

I nod as I sigh regretfully. Lao’s assurance both hurts and heals my heart. I’m hurt to be reminded of the night, my part in the deaths of some of our family. But to be told that none of them would have survived, that somehow because of me, possibly only because of me, my beloved family, those that are left, survived, I just, I can barely process it. I don’t want to call Lao out or accuse her of lying, I’d never do that. I believe that she believes this to be true. Maybe she’s right. I hope such a thought goes to my heart though, and not my head. I don’t need to be prideful about a possible success. Especially when it included massive failures and costs. But I could definitely use some soothing upon the wound that has infected my heart ever since that night.

I sit quietly with Lao against the tree for a while longer, holding her hands with one of mine. Well, currently it’s my only hand. I pause, waiting for one of my inner circle to laugh at my inner narrative correction, but no laughter comes. None of them are near. According to Luni, basically none of them will be near until the end. More or less.

She didn’t say Teuila would have to stay away, but if Teuila is bonding with Linti, then I likely won’t see her again until the end. I don’t want Linti to die. Luni makes it sound like there’s some sort of future in this world, or the next, where we can see one another again after whatever big event must occur. But the way her message spoke of Linti, I can hardly bear the thought. She just joined our inner circle, she’s bonding fast with Luni and Teuila. It isn’t fair that we might, no, will, lose her forever if she chooses to aid us.

I wonder if I should tell Brastley not to contact Szintoc after all. Maybe his message was intercepted somehow? Yeah, I’ll go tell Brastley that it was a semi false alarm. TQ said that Luni told me not to tell the Nagas anything until near the end. I’ll explain that while some big things are happening, we’ll have to deal with it all at a later date anyway. Alright, now that Brastley knows what’s up, or at least what I’ve shared, I’m less afraid of breaking Luni’s trust.

For now, I’ll try to follow Luni’s instructions. Apparently I’m supposed to help construct this moat, and a canal. It’ll be a little tedious and tiresome, but otherwise not too difficult. In a few weeks, we should be able to do it. After that time, my limbs should finally stop hurting, mostly. I might even have my hand back at that point. I wonder what the best method of carving a groove into the land from here to the sea would be. Freezing and shattering it? Firing ultra high density massive velocity umbral shots? Could I equip the mite-hulk-busting exoskeletons and excavate? What about melting the soil beyond glass into lava to let the lava drift out to sea? Hm, no, definitely not that last one. What about simply claiming massive amounts of soil to my inventory, then shunting it off to the side somewhere? I’m my own personal backhoe.

Once again, I wait for Luni to snicker across our mental wavelength, but no laughter comes. It’s so lonely inside my own head with none of the others nearby. I sigh as I stand. I kiss Lao’s forehead and whisper my gratitude and love to her as I seek out whoever is in charge of the canal effort.

It’s easy enough to find and meet them. The ones in charge of the canal effort are a nymph named Teodora, and none other than Spice and Magnus themselves. They’re working to design an efficient way to construct and deploy the reinforcements we’ll need so that the moat and canal don’t erode over time. Teodora is basically the head engineer around here I suppose. Spice seems fairly enamored of her or her ideas, one way or the other. That doesn’t seem to sit too well with Sugar or Magnus. I feel bad for them, but I don’t quite understand jealousy either. I get the tiniest twinges of envy once in a while. Like right now, I’m mildly envious of Linti and Teuila being together on an adventure, but I’m also happy for them to at least have each other. I feel bad that Lil is in the Nagas’ town when it’s all shambles, and Dehlia is in a coma. Lil has Lucky at least, but I don’t know how well they get along. Then there’s Luni, I guess I’m a bit envious of Mat that he is with her somewhere, but it seemed like she was going to beat the living tar out of him and keep his face planted in that book, so that’s probably nothing to be too envious of. Yeah, I just don’t understand jealousy I guess. I can’t tell Magnus or Sugar how they should respond to, or process their emotions though.

They’re focusing a lot on anti erosion efforts. It’s odd though, until recently, it seemed like there was no such thing as decay or erosion in our world. Rocks didn’t even seem to be sedimentary. Lava could magically flow up to the edge of a lake and stop there, cool, more lava could arrive, melt the previous lava, cool, and never increase the size of the lava deposit. Is it proximity to humans that makes our world behave more like the one in my memories? Will we one day all become ‘of blood’ simply by proximity? I enjoy our digital, ageless nature. I don’t really want to join the life cycle of humans. Mostly I don’t want my family to join the life cycle of humans. I think as long as we remain ‘rezzers, they won’t die from anything like age unless they choose to self actualize becoming old, feeble, and infirm. That’s my hope anyway.

I’m almost positive at this point that I’m ageless, along with Lil and Luni. TQ basically admitted as much about my own life span anyway. Teuila might or might not be a part of that bond due to her twisted spiked tether that she shared with Lil which was wrapped around my heart during the dam. Similarly, if I had finished what I intended to with Linti, if Teuila was able to join, then Linti would be ageless as well. I wasn’t able to complete that tethering process however. So, at least for Linti, the point is moot. I really hope agelessness through self actualization applies to all ‘rezzers though.

Spice and Magnus are both grateful for my company, and my magics. This last few days of adventure have nearly doubled the potency of some of my magic, and more than doubled others. For example, my lightning enhanced reaction speeds are now over eight percent quicker when I’m able to sustain the electrokinesis within my body, and the cost to sustain it has dropped significantly. I mean, I haven’t even had electrokinesis all that long ago now. I developed that with Linti’s help at the shores of the ruined frontier of Geawerene. I wonder if the city itself even had a name. I wouldn’t bother naming a town that was just going to be a new frontier meant to encompass an entire small island continent. I’m sure the humans thought they were going to eventually expand and make the whole thing a single city state.

Anyway, about the canal, I’ll be able to draw into my inventory loosely packed earth in a massive rectangular prism in a single summoning. It will take all of my inventory at once, then I’ll have to meditate for a fair amount of time. Still I can basically scoop dozens of thousands of cubic feet worth of dirt per pool of mana, to the depth and width that we want the canal at. If I’m doing my approximate math right, it’s something like sixty or so feet wide, about three quarters of that deep, and about fifty miles from here to the nearest point of the beach, a small cove to the east. In meters I think that’s about twenty wide, and thirteen or fourteen deep. I’m not sure why I know numbers and conversions, since we don’t even really have units of measurement. We all vaguely understand math to varying degrees, most of us are capable of algebra and trigonometry, although Spice more so than anyone else I’ve met.

Regardless, it will be slow going because of how deep and wide they want it, and I’ll have to rest frequently, or at least meditate after every single inventory load. If I’m claiming the soil to my inventory, and expelling it from my inventory, each action would take about half of my mana, then I’d have to rest. At least the movement process itself would be basically instantaneous. Now that I’ve arrived, Teodora and Spice are ordering a change of plans for the other workers. They’ve stopped bothering trying to dig, and are all working on the reinforcements at the moment, and some are heading to the coast to build the dam and locks that will let the sea flow to our moat. I feel like they’ve put a bit too much faith in my ability to clear a massive amount of land.

By my estimate, it would take me about a week and a half to four weeks straight of summoning soil, expelling it, and resting, to reach the coast. Do we really have this kind of time? Let alone any time I spend taking breaks or sleeping. I trust Luni, and I’m glad for any time I get to spend with my family, but we know for a fact at least one elemental god is under sway to proceed towards its destiny, and another one is being swayed. Still, if it took months for Leviathan, the weakest to fall under sway of the entity, then perhaps there is hope. I base this on the fact that Leviathan didn’t start flooding the coasts immediately after I spawned.

From what I’ve gleaned about how things happened, the obelisks were destroyed, sending the entity back in time to my beginning. They possessed the first blue sphere near me, and I defeated that accidentally. I was in too much panic and too upset over its death to take note of exactly what happened as it was derezzing. It likely went south, spreading its influence while seeking out something that would definitely kill me. It must have missed the serpent, but found Leviathan somewhere dormant beneath the seas, and spent weeks or months awakening it. Perhaps it did manage to entrap the serpent for a time, and it learned about Leviathan from the serpent, or something. Maybe the bullies knew, or maybe it found some Nagas.

One way or another, the entity sought out Leviathan not long after I spawned, then worked to rouse him. Since the Shellcrackers had only just suffered their losses a few days prior to my arrival at the coast, that puts the timetable at bare minimum, several days to rouse Leviathan, the weakest amongst the siblings. More likely, since I didn’t see the entity in all that time, it was the entire duration of my early adventures with Lil. I should really get out some paper and figure out how long I’ve been experiencing linear reality at this point. I’m a tad confused between the times I’ve spent checked out or recuperating, or all the time I spend in accelerated thinkspace, or all the logs I have from futures that I didn’t have to live through, sort of.

Anyway, let’s see, if I work from dawn until dusk, and eat as I meditate, making no time for anything else other than sleeping from dusk until dawn, it should take about two to six weeks to complete the canal. If I could somehow go without sleep, I’d be done in just about a week and a half. I’m not certain I have the dedication to do this in the quickest possible time. I definitely don’t have the motivation, concentration, and energy to be able to do it without sleeping. Plus, I still want to catch up with, praise, and share my love with my family. I will likely gain quite a massive amount of skill while doing this, so the time it takes to complete it will be somewhat less than my current estimate, but I have no way to know by how much.

One benefit to me doing this, is that I can place the excess soil how I want it, and how I want it is a massive wall around the outside of the illusory circle of the Miracle Oak. I’m also going to have to make several trips for lumber, or foist that job off onto Bettie and Sir Reginald to organize some critterkin to acquire it.

I’d also like to check out the dungeons Teuila and Luni mentioned. If there happens to be good hunting nearby, we could help keep everyone in high spirits as we settle into our new life together. Still, I feel like between my time on Lord Agni’s back, and digging this canal, I’m going to reach a new plateau of power where my skills won’t greatly increase again until some other arbitrary thing happens. Maybe it’s my level? It has been steadily climbing, faster than all of my loved ones. Lil and I thought it had to do with years of experience when we first met, but that can’t be right. What if it’s like a videogame? Have I been hogging all the experience? No, no I think that all three of us were credited whenever we did something major together.

I wonder if I could convince Jazharn to help with the canal, or if not that, to at least spray me with acid as I dig it, so that I can acquire acid generation. Maybe I can convince all three of the human mages that know me to attack me while I’m digging the canal. I’m trying to optimize every second that I can, between now and the end of the world. I also want to fit in as much love, and snuggling as possible during that time.

I wonder if my time power has different uses. If I could pause time around my family, to let us have more time together while the outside world is on hold, I’d do that in a heartbeat. It would be sort of like sharing my inner circle’s accelerated thinkspace with each of them. Still, as far as applications of the time power though, I know I’ve heard messages from future me, and I know that I’ve sometimes come back to the past, based on my logs. I feel like I might be able to send my consciousness into the past, possibly to those times where I thought I was on autopilot, or checked out entirely. I think that’s how I had those short conversations at times in my life, well, I suppose I knew how I would reply to myself, so I could have just sent messages in response to those replies. Still, during the times when I was withdrawn into my mind, when Reggie was still operating, maybe I sent my consciousness back and piloted the earlier me. Did I do the same thing to Luni? Did I send her consciousness into the past, with instructions to only share what she needed to share, when she needed to share it?

That would possibly explain the various introverted-extroverted flips that could happen even mid sentence. Maybe. I’m not sure. Lu is her own special kind of person, maybe anything and everything that I think I know, I don’t actually know.

Anyway, Jaz has agreed to blast me with acid so long as Dream comes to watch and laugh about it. Similarly, Adom has agreed to continue poisoning my food and drink. I knew it was Adom. What else can I set up before I commit to this? I could try out the mite-hulk-busting exoskeletons.

Eugh, okay, as I feared, I can’t manage to fight off whatever alien impulses and creepy parasitic feelings are trying to work their way into my system without the infinite mana of Lord Agni. The drain on my mana is just too great to shut down all those weird nerve impulses, or counteract them, or whatever one would use to describe firing electricity at other electricity and weird alien cells to stop them. That’s just the smaller of the two mite-hulk exoskeletons. The king exoskeleton is more impressive, and drains me even faster to try to fight off its sickening signals. I wonder if I can work out some sort of transformation that keeps the parasitic symbiotic cellular signals at bay permanently, without needing to drain my mana. These things would be an incredibly valuable combat form if the king skeleton lasted more than a minute before draining my mana, or the smaller one lasted more than three minutes. That’s with all of my current skills, however they apply.

I almost wish I could peer into the rules behind the skills. If I could figure out what the numbers mean, or do, I could aim for specific values. If I had a lifetime without threat, I’d probably ask Lil to analyze a bunch of human mages for me, to get me the numbers on their abilities, and then I’d compare my own attempts at the same abilities. That might give me a leaping off point to try to figure out coefficients. All this weird knowledge from fakeworld, and yet it has provided me with entirely new magics on at least two occasions. It also gave me the ideas for multi-stage rocket-like propulsion.

If I want my hand back, and I do, I’m going to have to take it easy for a few hours a day and just work on reshaping it with transformation magic. I guess I’ll start on that as soon as I ask Sir Reginald if anyone is willing to make trips for lumber. I have to continually beg and remind people not to cut down the trees. I’m more certain than ever that they’re somehow tied to the weak lifestream of our land, the leylines I’d seen beneath the planet. Every time I pull off a massive effect, swathes of the forest die. In essence, their existence is at the very least, our last line of defense. I could try to use up all the flora on the island in some crazy last ditch effort to stop whatever is happening. Though I’m afraid that would kill and rot the land, causing it to crumble into the sea. I’d really rather not risk that happening. I wonder if the Miracle Oaks purify the ley lines, or produce energy into the ley lines, or if they feed from the ley lines and store energy. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to find out.

Wait, I’ve got plenty of lumber at the moment from when I last passed through the dam, I sort of passively stole a bunch of lumber from the excess tunnels without even realizing it. I don’t even remember grabbing all of this. Would this be enough to set up respawning lumber tunnels in a dam beneath our settlement? We might not even have to have anyone make trips to the beaver dam. We might even be able to shelter and house them if they want to join us! What’s more, if we find clay below, we might even be able to coax it into becoming a respawning resource point if we build a room correctly around it, with Spice’s ingenuity. Possibly stone as well, I’m not certain. I have to bother Spice and Teodora about this right away, to see if they can work it into their plans.

Approaching the pair, I see Spice gazing appreciatively at Teodora as they speak, and Magnus is standing nearby looking mildly perturbed, possibly from jealousy. I wave to announce my presence, not wanting to interrupt. Magnus excitedly rushes my way, arms wide open for a hug. I chuckle and smile as I give Magnus a one-armed hug, not wanting anyone to make a big deal about my left hand currently.

I mumble, “Hi Magnus, good to see you. A lot of things happening all at once these days, huh?”

Magnus nods, “Yep yep, I’m so glad you made it back though, but what about all the others? Your mom was worried sick.”

My brain fritzes for a moment. Why does Magnus have a concept of calling someone a mom? I suppose we have been around humans for a while, he could have heard Bettie talking about family relationships. Some of us view certain others as siblings, but our only relationship with previous generations is calling them elders. I don’t like humans rubbing off on critterkin. Human society kind of sucks, at least in my memories, and well, it was pretty bad in Geawerene’s frontier town as well. Oh, right, Magnus is awaiting a reply.

I respond, “Linti and Teuila are enjoying each other’s company somewhere, I think probably out west. Lil and Lucky are with the Nagas, Lil’s sweetheart there took a head injury, so Lil is staying to look after them. Luni, ah, Luni is trying out a solo adventure, sort of. Everyone’s okay though, we can see their stats panels just fine.”

Magnus nods along enthusiastically. I really hope he’s not still stuck in that hero worship phase. I have to keep reminding everyone that it’s not me. I bumble along and happen to have everyone else’s help. I need everyone else’s help to make it through all of these crazy events. I give him another quick squeeze and break off our embrace to approach Teodora and Spice as their conversation seems to be approaching a lull.

I jovially call out, “Hello esteemed engineers and architects. I don’t mean to add any more to your plate, but I was wondering how you had planned to get enough lumber, stone, clay and so on, to continue filling the needs for fifty miles of trench reinforcement?”

Spice rubs the back of his head and Teodora avoids eye contact a moment before Spice replies, “We were sort of hoping you and your inner circle would be making runs for us to the warrens at the dam. Your inventory magic holds more than any of us could carry, even in a large squad. It turns out some more of ours either have, or are gaining inventory magic spontaneously. We’re not quite sure what’s causing it, but looking at your page, yours is literally thousands and thousands times more capable than theirs.”

I let half a frown play at my face. I can’t be everywhere at once. It takes mana and time to rocket across the landscape, more mana and time to swim beneath the river and claim a ton of lumber, more to return, and so on and so forth. All of that mana and time could be spent furthering the digging effort. If I had a few years of training, I could maybe duplicate myself like I did in the one timeline in the temple of time. I’m not sure if that’s actually possible, or if it was some sort of best guess training illusion though. Still, I don’t have to be upset at anyone about this, since I have my own solution in mind.

I reply, “As much as I enjoy helping out, I’ll have my hands full doing the digging. I should be able to finish the entire moat off today more or less, but I was wondering if either of you had thought about creating respawning lumber warrens beneath our own moat? I know we’d have to watch out for our Miracle Oak’s root structure, but I think I have enough supplies on hand to help craft the basics so that the warrens could begin to self propagate the lumber respawn, if it works like the fish. I know that the MCF was doing it in secret, adding additional tunnels. I think if we find a clay deposit, or high quality stone, we might even be able to make an underground quarry that refills daily. Am I being ludicrous? Does this have any chance of working?”

Teodora and Spice exchange a look as they flip to empty pages in notebooks we’ve obtained from the shops and begin scribbling calculations and diagrams.

Spice sighs as his shoulders droop, Teodora double checks his figures and nods. She sets a hand on his shoulder as he responds, “We would need a vast amount of lumber just to set up self propagation. You know we need to hit a critical mass point for things to generate their own spawn points beyond the norms. Still, it would pay off within a few days once we got it constructed, but we’d need everyone working on it around the clock, or you constructing most of it nearly entirely by yourself.”

I query, “How much are we talking about? Is twenty thousand or so units good enough? I think each unit is a gross of poundage or tonnage or something.”

Teodora interrupts me, “Excuse me, how much lumber did ye say ye have onhand?”

I could swear her voice has an accent, from some place on an island off the north side of one of the smallest continents in fakeworld. What was it, Sco something? Ire something? Still, she asked a question, so I check through my inventory to confirm, “Looks like about 4500 units of birch logs, 7000 units of oak logs, 9000 units of maple logs, more or less, a few hundred less than each of those but some other wood types that I don’t actually know all that well. I really don’t know what inventory units measure, whether it’s volume, or weight, or some abstract number of pieces of something. I’ve never had scales and measures to be able to find out. I guess they’re all half logs, because of the way they spawn on the walls of the warrens, a flat cut through the diameter as if they just grow that way, but you get the idea.”

Teodora and Spice both clamor over one another with excitement to order, “Show me!”

I’m about to ask where I should put them, and they indicate a vacant area with a single dryad milling about aimlessly. I feel a tad ashamed to be depositing lumber next to a dryad, but I’ve been given an order. I test out by summoning a single unit, flat-faced down on the ground. If I had to estimate, I’d guess it’s around a hundred feet long, and three feet wide or so. I’m all the more glad that my inventory is an extradimensional space, because I think this thing probably weighs a ton, like literally several thousand pounds. Teodora’s eyes gleam, I’m certain she understands this is only a single unit. Wow, this is going to take up a massive area to even unload. How the heck did I even get this many units of lumber? I know that I can blank out a bit in the beaver warrens due to my trauma in that area, but this is ridiculous. If I don’t want to stack them too high, I can set them end to end lengthwise ten times, and then side by side three hundred times. Doing that, I’ll take up a square that’s roughly a fifth of a mile on each side, and I can lay them about seven deep on top of one another. I almost feel like I need to build a silo just to store these things in. If I can stack them safely to about thirty or fifty feet high, I can massively cut down the amount of ground space they’ll take up. Okay, about a ninth of a mile in that direction, and about a fifteenth or sixteenth of a mile in that direction. It looks like I have clearance to do this. Let’s start dropping these things out of my inventory into position.

Ugh, did I just black out? Spice, Spice stop shaking me. I mumble, “Spice, stop shaking me, I’m up, I’m up.” I guess that took more out of me than I thought it would. It probably dropped me into energy debt to unload them so quickly.

I look around to get my bearings and spy the edifice that my inventory has wrought. That is an absolutely massive stack of lumber. That has to be millions and millions of pounds of wood. I gaze around half expecting someone to make a comment about heavy wood on my telepathic wavelength, and to snicker at it, but no telepathic waves arrive.

Spice begins to ramble excitedly, “Four or five loads like this, and we would have enough to complete the canal, another load for the moat, and another load for the warrens. If only we could get them dug today, we could use this load to stabilize the warrens and manufacture the spawns needed to generate at least a good fraction of this daily. We wouldn’t need to bother you for lumber at all after a few days when it started generating. We’ll need to go deeper with the moat though, and we’ll have to make this sort of lip, yeah Tea?”

Teodora agrees, “Ach aye, if’n yer wantin’ tae flood yerselves out. Nay, I reckon ye cannae do it that way. Just go simple like. Make yerselves a lock and try tae keep the water out.”

I blink, hearing Teodora’s accent fully clearly for the first time. Her accent brings on a momentary mental BSOD as my brain fritzes out. Other than my inner circle goofing off once in a while, have I ever heard an accent in our world? We all speak in roughly the same manner. Well, this is a small island continent. Is Teodora from here? Do all nymphs speak with that accent? It is pleasant listening to her speak, I’m sure Spice enjoys many benefits working alongside her.

Spice interrupts, “No no no, we’ve been over this, the water won’t rise past its own level. I’ve lived in a dam before, remember? As long as we make a lip above the water level, we can tunnel where we like under it. With the lichen that grows with our lumber spawns, the oxygen stays fresh and pressurized enough that water at surface level pressure couldn’t get in if it wanted to, unless someone drilled in directly from above. Ahem.”

Spice clears his throat when he realizes he just brought up the events of the dam and that I’m now hyperventilating. I barely even realized that I’ve been fighting off panic for quite a while since I’ve been back. I had to puzzle out Leviathan’s possession, and we’ve constantly talked about or thought about beaver constructions which remind me of the events of the dam. My whole body is starting to seize up, especially the muscles along my right inner bicep as they spasm and twist and twitch. My right hand claws uncontrollably, clenching at air as my wrist twists itself painfully. I stumble away to pant and gasp near the corner edge of this new lumber pile while they deliberate on construction requirements.

I can feel Magnus’s gaze alternating between me and Spice, so I wave him towards Spice even through my panic. I’ll be fine, I just need to ride this out. I continue gasping and panting as I try not to be consumed by nightmares and day terrors, and eventually I find myself sitting calmly against the lumber stack, after likely several minutes of trauma-induced terrors.

It sounds like they’re done deliberating, so I just need to know what I’ll be working on. Spice blushes but allows me to receive a pad of diagrams from Teodora. It seems like the two of them have combined their ideas, and I can see the benefits to both. I can get the basics done in about twelve hours. I should be done with the bare essentials of their plan by dawn. By then, their crews should be able to start handling the rest, then I’ll put in a full day of digging the canal.

As much as I want to catch up with more of my family, and spend time recuperating and cuddling, getting at least the basics of sustainability set up will have to take precedent. I huff as I sigh. Everyone is working so hard to start building a life together. The various species of the Fairies, the humans, our expanded critterkin party, my family.

As for me? Well, there’s no rest for the wicked, or so they say. I’ll have to wait til tomorrow to start recovering the rest of my hand, and catching up with everyone. Twelve hours of monotonous inventory magic with a little bit of movement from place to place. At least I can put up a dirt wall around the lumber so that it doesn’t get knocked over and end up flattening someone. It’s also tedious enough and simple enough that I can shut my brain off for most of it. I don’t even make any sound while doing it, so I’m not at risk of keeping people up all hours of the night as if I were actually some rear end loader or backhoe or crane or other piece of heavy equipment from my broken memories.

Ugh, how long have I been doing this? Everything is dark, and I hurt all over. I can see fine in the dark, it just means it’s likely midnight or so. I guess I haven’t eaten in a while. I can at least scarf down some insect meat or cragbeast meat while I sit to regenerate mana yet again. Oh jeez, I’ve been running electrokinesis through my nerve endings this entire time enhancing my reflexes while I was just doing a repetitive task. I guess that’s one way to raise my skill, and punish my body if I’m not careful. Ugh, the muscles around all my joints ache like they’ve been stretched to their limits, molded like putty, ripped apart and then put back haphazardly. Alright, come on Reggie, a few more hours of this to go, then we can start on the actual project we’re supposed to be working on. We might be able to at least catch up with Jaz and Dream while we do that.

Oof, I have a pounding headache. Still, I should be able to manage zoning out for a few more hours. Even if I mess up it’s recoverable for the most part. Hey Reggie, why are you digging ditches? People need ditches. It’s as simple as that. Oh no. I just realized something. We have humans. Humans do actually need ditches. We’re going to need plumbing. I think I can create a drainfield relatively quickly, just another hour of activity or so. Have they all just been wandering off into the woods to do their business randomly until now? Filthy heathens. Okay that’s probably rude of me, since I hadn’t bothered to consider their needs.

I’m going to need to buy the forgeworks, the smelter, and all of those things I’d seen in the shops that can move us into the metal age. We’ll need at least some hollow tubes for plumbing. I might be able to duplicate them once we can craft a few, that should save on the amount of time it takes to actually produce them. I can maybe duplicate, uh, about twenty seven pipes at a time or something, maybe thirty or forty, if I’m making umbral duplicates then claiming them, meditating while I wait out their five minute timers. I can create another few batches with the mana I regenerate while waiting on the first ones to stop being temporary copies. Am I going to have to invent toilets? The humans were used to chamber pots. There’s no way that Geawerene is a computer age society if they’re still using chamber pots. Where are these broken memories from?!

Okay, that’s the basics for a foundation for a plumbing drainfield, we can put septic tanks in here if we need, phew. I’m only using magic, and walking around a bit, but it feels like every muscle on my body is being brought to their absolute limits over and over. I’m starving again and it has only been an hour or so since the last time I ate. Heck, my eyes are drooping. Come on, I need to keep going. No rest for the wicked, no rest for the wicked, keep it up Reggie. You got this, remember? That’s what Lu says.

Okay, it’s dawn and I’m about an hour and a half behind still. I haven’t finished off the prep to lay down the groundwork for the respawning lumber warrens, but people are beginning to mill about, starting their tasks or trying to find their places in society. I think I started bleeding randomly during the night, there’s just a trail of blood from the lumber stack to the warrens and back. I mean, who else would be leaving a trail of blood hundreds of yards long on the path I’ve been walking all night?

Spice is running this way looking concerned. I wave as I smile and greet him, “Hey Spice, almost done, sorry I haven’t finished yet, I realized the humans are going to need plumbing, they have biological business that creates waste. It needs to be taken care of for everyone’s health, or people could get sick. So I dug a massive drainfield. We don’t have the pipes for plumbing yet, or a water tower, but now that people are waking up, I can buy the forgeworks and smelting furnace and so on from the shops. I’m sure there are probably some people with smithing aptitude that would be glad to have them. They can work on creating some pipes, and then I’ll duplicate those as needed.”

Spice just stares at me, his eyes boggling, he finally responds, “Reggie! What is wrong with you!? Do you not even see the state you’re in!?”

I look down, somehow I’ve got lacerations near most of my joints. It looks like my muscles tried to burst out of my skin in those areas. They seem to be fine now, but I can cover them up with bandage gauze I guess. There, just some aloe covered bandages, good as new, more or less.

I joke, “I’ve had worse.”

Spice rolls his eyes as he facepalms, “You look terrifying! You worked all through the night? What could possibly be so urgent that you’d do this to yourself, instead of coming to bed to the cuddle pile?”

I pout. I definitely wanted to join the cuddle pile. Has Lao not told anyone else? Did she tell Brastley what I actually said, or was she as vague as I was?

I try to suss it out by asking, “Spice, has Laomati told you anything about what I’ve been up to the last week or so?”

Spice responds, “Something about a book, or some books, and dealing with that dangerous ex brother of ours. Why? Is he coming here? Do we need some sort of lava defenses against him? I know he attacked the contingent during the march, and Linti almost got hurt, but it sounded like you scared him off by barely lifting a finger. He can’t be that much of a threat, can he?”

Phew, I blow a breath out through puffed cheeks. How much should I let Spice know? Does he need that kind of worry on his plate? What’s the right thing to do here? No, no, this is fine. I should never have dumped the world shattering revelations on Laomati. If she decided not to tell everyone, then that’s how I should have handled this, and should handle this. No one else needs to change their lives. We either go on, and handle this, and things turn out okay, or we go on, enjoy our lives as we work hard to build a community, and the world ends. However this turns out, no one else needs to bear this burden. I’m so sorry for putting it on Lao.

I try to laugh it off, “No, no, Mat’s uh, well, he’s not dead, not anymore anyway. But I don’t think he’s a threat anymore either. We had a big climactic showdown or something, some stuff happened, you know how it is. I got lost underground for a day or two or ten, I don’t remember how long, dealt with some bug things that gave me those exoskeletons, and now I’m back. I need to work hard to distract myself. I want our community to be sustainable as soon as possible, because I worry about tenuous relationships if humans keep getting sick from lack of protein, among other things.”

Spice squints at me, not believing me entirely. He can tell I’m telling the truth, because my aura probably gives away my desire to be honest. But it also probably gave away the fact that I was puzzling out what to say.

I add, “I love you Spice. I really appreciate you. You saved us, y’know? That sieve with the empty reservoir? That was brilliant. You’re right, I do want to rejoin the family cuddle pile. Tonight, if I don’t accidentally pass out somewhere, I promise I’ll come back. I’m looking forward to snuggles.”

Spice grumbles, “You’d better, or I’ll send Sugar to hunt you down and drag you back.”

I pale a bit at the threat. Sugar would probably knock me senseless and literally drag me back unconscious. The thought is mildly amusing though, and comforting even. My family misses me and loves me enough to fret about my wellbeing. That’s enough motivation for me to keep plowing ahead for the rest of today at least. Good heavens though everything hurts so intensely.

Ow, ow, ow, muscle spasms around my neck and spine do not feel good, nor do my eyelids spasming and twitching. Spice is muttering and grumbling as he stalks off to track down Teodora. Oh, Dream and Jaz are approaching, that’s good. We can catch up while she melts my face off with acid. Uh, that was more gruesome of a thought than I intended. I just meant she can pelt me with low level acid spells to help finish getting my acid resistance up enough to learn how to generate it myself.

I stop by the nearest shop as Jaz and Dream approach. I purchase the various forges, smelting furnaces, anvils and equipment we’ll need for metal age construction. About half of the massive glob of lava that Mat threw at Linti during her survey mission is actually molten iron, so I can separate that out as well. I’ll set this all over here near the lumber for people to move to whatever better location. Thankfully we can also buy coal and coke, so I don’t need to worry about them needing wood on top of everything else for fuel for the metal processes. Jaz catches up to me as I finish.

As I wave, Jaz calls out, “Holy crickets Billie! Or, uh, Reggie. What was powerful enough to put you in this state?”

I glance down again, my bandages are already starting to spot through with red, “Oh, uh, me apparently. I guess I went a little too hard and heavy on mana use over the night. I’m fine though, I’ve had worse, much worse. Pretty recently in fact. But I don’t care about any of that, I want to know how you’re doing. Both of you. Dream, what’s life like these days? Jaz, how are you two getting along?”

Dream responds, “She’s nice, you’re dumb, life is good. Also, thanks I guess. For helping to make sure we didn’t have to walk forever.” She runs her hand over her scalp as she wears her familiar permanent scowl.

She motions with her hands several times at Jaz, who smiles and nods before motioning back. That makes my heart soar with happiness for these two fantastic women.

Jaz blushes as she answers as well, “Yes, thank you, for whatever she thanked you for, but also for introducing us. We’re, well, making it work. She’s amazing, she’s thoughtful, and kind, and patient with me. I’m used to the military, patience isn’t exactly something we receive a lot of. She saw that I could draw, and wrote down that she liked the detail I put into hands and expressions. She thought we could use some of them to communicate simple ideas, so she wrote some of them out on some of my sketches. It’s been a process, but we come up with a few more each day, and we can always fall back on writing notes. For now though, this is my favorite one.”

Jaz makes a sign towards Dream with her middle and ring finger down, her other fingers and thumb extended, palm outward towards Dream. I’m pretty sure that means I love you. Dream blushing seems to confirm my suspicion. I’m ecstatic for the pair of them. I know that some human romances don’t advance to a stage where the pair are comfortable telling each other they love one another for quite some time.

Jaz surprises me as she asks, “Oh, oh you will be joining tonight, won’t you? Dream says your family has been worried about you and your coterie. Oh I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Is that, um, is that an inappropriate way to refer to them? I don’t know if it’s offensive. I just mean to ask on behalf of your family for you to return to them. They miss you dearly and have been sick with worry. They’re such tender, loving beings. They’re so accepting and, well, I can see why you would prefer them over, well, pretty much anything and anyone else.”

I adopt a wry smile as I wistfully sigh, “You’re right, they really are wonderful. I’m glad you’re getting a chance to experience that. I hope you’re sharing that experience by telling others that we’re all people, and that there are more ways to live and love than the ones in human society. I desperately desire safety and peace for everyone in the Lavaborn Alliance, and of course all these marvelous Fairies who have welcomed us into a new homeland.”

My smile deepens as I continue, “I’m definitely looking forward to finally returning to the family tonight. I’m in an incredible amount of pain, but I’m fairly used to it at this point. I can dull my pain senses enough to keep going. As far as calling them a coterie, I don’t mind, as long as you’re not using it as some sort of offensive slang with human notions attached that imply abusing my loved ones. The things that were implied that humans did with their coteries, I just. Urgh.”

I rattle my skull trying to shake loose the thoughts. The memory of three men in the poorer section of town that tried to ask for a price on renting Luni’s company for a night sickens me. I’m fairly certain my aura flashed hatred as both Dream and Jaz quailed momentarily. I feel bad for subjecting this sweet pair to even a momentary flash of my anger. I try to think calming, soothing thoughts that project how happy I am for their company as I continue my work.

Jaz continues to chat happily as she blasts me with carefully regulated spells. She’s surprised at how well I can already handle acid against my skin or scales, depending on the form I’m in. I keep shapeshifting as much as I can spare the mana to do so throughout the day, trying to generate more and more of my left hand. I’ve had to change out all of my bandages about once an hour, it feels like my wounds are aggravated by my mana use, as if I’ve just blown some sort of channels to pieces that ran through my body, and I’m not letting them heal up. If mana, energy, whatever we call it, felt like it traveled along my nervous system previously, now it feels like it’s pumping outward from my heart in a radius. Or maybe from my brain, since my brain and head ache more than my heart.

Jaz can’t fill me in as much as I’d like about the goings-on of my family, but she’s happy to share what news she can. Apparently Dream has stopped being mentored by Winter in favor of pursuing a more idyllic lifestyle, and developing the communication method that Jaz and Dream share. Dream seems to be open to the idea of sharing that communication method with everyone else, so that humans and critterkin can finally communicate without needing to write. Gentle Ice is still apprenticing under elder Winter, working together with Winter and Alice anytime that the infirmary is up and running. The three of them are apparently getting to the point where they’re writing in shorthand to communicate to one another more quickly. When Jaz shows me a sample of a message Winter wrote for her once, I have to stifle my laughter. It’s almost completely illegible. There’s a joke in fakeworld about doctor’s handwriting being horribly hard to read, this seems to be exactly that.

Apparently Arty, Art of Shadows, has been causing a lot of mischief amongst the humans. I worry that that could set back our path to a lasting peace, but it seems that at least most of the humans are taking it good naturedly. Branch is often found with Winter and Ice, seeming like they will take up an apprenticeship some day, or maybe they’re just curious as their name Curious Branch implies. At least until they tire of that curiosity to move on to another one. Jaz blushes and deflects the topic when I ask about Fawns at Sunsets. Fawn really has that effect on people. Oy vey, my heart is fluttering thinking about it.

Jazharn doesn’t really know anything about my otter family, since Dream hasn’t really cared to bother to get to know them. Dream doesn’t have anything to say to Jaz about the otters, all Jaz knows is how welcoming they are that they accepted her with love and tenderness. I think she knows most of their names at least. Probably through Bettie.

Brastley has been trying to teach more human mages wind magic, to little effect. Most humans seem to have only a single elemental affinity. Some soldiers who weren’t mages do pick up enough that they can now speak to critterkin with wind magic, for a few minutes at a time anyway. Similarly, almost none of the critterkin possess noticeable magic. Basically no one other than the Nagas, Blossom, and my inner circle. I’m positive that ‘Naia, M^2, Sugar and Spice each possess some magic, at least in their outfits and equipment that spawned as part of their evolutions, but that’s not the same as being able to learn a wind spell to communicate.

We took several breaks for food over the course of the day, but even still, my eyes are crossed and I feel like I’m starving. It’s nearing nightfall, but I don’t think I can do even another single load of inventory magic. I slump to my knees and topple forward, my wrists bending painfully inwards as my forearms brace me against the ground. I pant exhaustedly, and notice that my bandages are spotting heavily once more. Have I been making sure to keep hydrated while losing this much fluid? I think so. Yes, yes I have.

It almost feels like my body can’t handle this much power, and power usage. The exoskeletal bodies could handle infinite mana consumption and usage in rapid order. I wonder if I should just let the weird alien symbiotic parasitic feelings flow through me, and use those bodies instead of my own? The thought gives me the jitters though.

Huh? What’s going on? Oh, I think I’m being dragged somewhere. Someone’s rambling about needing to fix my hand or amputate it.

I argue, “Leave that alone, I’m working on regenerating it. Watch, I’ll make some progress right now.”

I shapeshift up and down several times, and show off that I create another millimeter of bones and tissue, or somewhere around there. There are some startled gasps, but my vision is too blurry to see who is gasping at me. I imagine I must be in the infirmary though.

I ask aloud, “Am I in the infirmary? My vision is so crossed and doubled and blurry that I can hardly see. Are Winter or Ice here? One of them could let my family know that I’m coming back to sleep this off. My body’s fine. I’m fine. I wouldn’t object to fresh gauze, and perhaps some kind of coating ointment to keep the wounds from spontaneously bleeding on anyone, but I’ve got that in my inventory and can do it myself.”

A voice I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard before, one that I think belongs to Gentle Ice shushes me, “Hush now, at least give us the opportunity to mend some of these for you. How you managed to lacerate yourself from the inside out, I can’t even imagine. Whatever you’re doing, you had better stop it.”

I frown and grumble, “Sadly, I couldn’t stop if I wanted to, it’s too important. Sorry. I don’t mean to be frustrating.”

Hm, but if I’m lacerated from the inside out, that does sound like the amount of progress I’ve made with my max energy, or mana, and all of my skills recently was probably too fast for my body to handle. I mean, I made nearly as much progress in a day or two on Lord Agni’s back as I’ve made over most of the last year and a half. Well, within a sizable margin of error at least.

Whoever is attending to my wounds mumbles, “Your platelets have been working overtime to try to close these and you’ve just been keeping them open haven’t you? Honestly, how reckless. Your family has been worried sick when you’re out on adventures, but you’re just as much danger to yourself when you’re around as when you’re not. I suppose we can stitch or staple most of these. Can someone fetch Adom? We need some anesthetic and disinfectant.”

Are they seriously thinking about letting Adom near me while I’m wounded? They call me the reckless one? Hah. Still, if Adom is as specialized in toxins as Szintoc, or even relatively close, I could see him being able to provide anesthetic and disinfectant at least. He wouldn’t actually poison me when I’m in need of healing, would he?

The answer is yes, yes he would. After Adom arrived, he listened to a few instructions, and began some magic to fill some vials, while sneakily coating some of my wounds in a mild toxic gas. I can tell this earned him several slaps and sharp glares. Thankfully Alice has a keen enough eye that she could see what he was doing, even though Adom’s magic can be extremely subtle. I’ll bet he’s also making the anesthetic just a bit weaker than is being called for, so that when they dilute it, it will hardly work at all.

Yep, ow, ow, ow. I bite my lips as they stitch various wounds near my shoulders, biceps, elbows, hips, knees, and other various heavily trafficked muscles and joints on my body. I’m not sure if this says good things about Adom that he trusts me to pull through this just fine, since he’s toying with me instead of helping, or if it says bad things in that he’s a sadistic jerk.

Ice is leading me to whatever building our family is currently staying in. That’s good since I don’t think I bothered to ask anyone, and can’t see well enough to look around for it myself at the moment. Ice and Fawn are arguing over whether it’s best to help me relax with cuddling to heal, or whether it’s best if I have a lot of empty space around me and room to breathe, so that no one can bump me and accidentally reopen my wounds.

I query, “Do I get a say in this?”

Ice hostilely responds that I do not, but Fawn demures herself to me. That is, Fawn reservedly offers me the voice in her stead. I thank Ice for her concern.

I try not to chuckle as I state, “Ice, Ice, thank you for your help, truly, honestly. What I want more than anything at the moment is to feel the love of my family close at hand. There are things going on and I need the psychological and physical comfort that I’ll gain from a cuddlesome rest. I’ll be fine, I know that I’m ‘of blood’, but I heal like a ‘rezzer. If I’m not fine in the morning, I fully expect you to cuff me upside the head and drag me back to the infirmary by my ears. Although please don’t do that.”

I try to laugh off my last request, while I’m certain that Ice is gazing at me in a cold appraisal. I can virtually feel her mildly-annoyed glare, but she relents. I offer her a hug and a peck on the cheek in gratitude, and I swear her cheeks are emanating heat. I don’t think she normally gets much thanks for her aid in the infirmary.

Jaz actually approaches me, she blushes and apologizes for her appearance, apparently she’s wearing something of a nightgown, but I can’t see it right now, so I tell her to pay me no mind.

It’s just now that I realize I feel displaced. With no Lil, Luni, Teuila, or Linti, I don’t really have a place in our family’s affectionate pile of love. I rub my itchy eyes as I stand there while everyone settles in. I hear Sugar, Spice, the Mana twins and Magnus on the far side of the room. I hear Laomati, Agwai, and Fawn near the center. I can hear Dream and Jaz in one corner, and various other cat family members peppered around the edges. I continue to rub my eyes, and realize I’m not rubbing just itchy eyes anymore, I’m rubbing away tears. Without my inner circle, I don’t even truly belong with my family. I should just get back to digging and get this canal over with so I can go seek out Tenith Grayl. I gulp back a sob that I didn’t realize was caught in my throat, and turn to begin leaving the building.

I try to slip away quietly, it’s easy enough since my stealth skill has been on the rise ever since I developed chromatophores and iridophores for my draconic form. Just as quietly though, I feel someone enter my proprioceptive range as wind from their swift movement brushes against the mini hairs along the back of my arms and neck. Someone reaches for my wrist, and I react poorly, grabbing theirs and ending up halfway into a shoulder throw before I stop myself. From their position half slumped over me, the individual wraps their other arm around me and kneels to hug me tenderly. I realize they aren’t furry like the rest of my family. The only one in the room who is a trained warrior with the senses to notice me leaving is Jazharn. I nearly ripped her shoulder out of its socket with the intention to throw her as hard as I possibly could across the yard out the door.

Yet here she is, patting my back and pointing me towards the center of the room. Jaz whispers, “Come on, Reggie, Billie, whoever you want to be, they’re still your family. I can’t say I know what you’re thinking, but they welcomed me, go to them.”

I gulp as I inhale a ragged breath before sighing, “I, I can’t. My inner circle isn’t here. I don’t have a place without them. There are things going on in the world. Things I have to prepare for. It doesn’t matter if I’m hurting, physically or emotionally. It’s just a blip, tears in a river, it doesn’t mean much.”

Jaz strokes her own shoulder and mutters, “Whatever’s going on with you, your family can’t help if you don’t let them. Knowing you, it’s got to be something pretty big. Walking around with the weights of worlds on your shoulders can be taxing. Take a load off. You never know when you’ll get another chance. If I could go back and just spend even one more night with Bart.”

Jaz trails off as she chokes back a sob. I pat the thick of her back gently as I stand near her. I forget how much she has lost, how much all of the humans have lost. She’s right of course, but where do I fit in? Magnus would probably hold me, but we’re not really family in the way that I feel comforted and loved by. He’s a sweetheart but I don’t know if I’ll ever get over the fact that the reason he wanted to seek me out was from some notion of hero worship.

I try to glance about the room and picture those that are here through my blurry vision. Spice and Sugar are family, sure, and Spice even said he’d have Sugar hunt me down, but we’ve never gotten more close than being basically therapy buddies. Ag and Lao are going to be married someday in the near future if the world doesn’t end. I don’t want to take up any of their time and love that they could be sharing with each other. Fawn is so enamored of Ag and Lao that I just want our three tribe leaders to be able to share their affection in peace. Elder Winter doesn’t seem to enjoy affection. Six isn’t even in the family home at the moment, nor is Blossom, I’m guessing they’ve found people they’re bonding with outside of the family, like the human man and camel woman that Lil mentioned. Gentle Ice sleeps near Elder Winter, but aloof. Many of the cat family are aloof, I don’t really know any of them that well beyond Fawn, Spring Blossom, Six Wind, and Linti.

Also, as much as I care about them, I can’t really be around the Mana twins without thinking about Mat. The ache that such thoughts would cause would be unbearable to try to rest through. I just don’t see a place for myself in this family. I barely see a place for myself in this world. The temple of time seemed to teach me that, yeah, it taught me a thing that I don’t want to think about. Maybe it was preparing me. If I can spare them the heartache and pain of losing one another, that’s all that really matters to me.

I mutter, “I don’t belong here, not really. They accepted me, but I think only because of Teuila. I’m not an otter, I’m not a human, I’m not any of the Fairies’ races. I’m nothing but some weird discarded creature randomly stumbling through the dark that got lucky a few times. They’re too loving and forgiving to cast me out, but look around. They have lives and loves that they deserve to go on with, without my stumbling back in, interrupting their lives every time I come back. Worse, each time I come back it’s almost always in pain, needing comfort. You have a life and a love that you deserve to enjoy too Jaz. I want you and Dream to be as happy as can be for as long as possible. You’re pretty great.”

I can feel a scowl fighting its way across Jazharn’s face as she struggles between annoyance, upsetedness with me, and the enjoyment of my compliment.

Jaz finally motions something, and Dream comes to lay in front of the door. Jaz then states, “Fine, if you can’t enjoy their love and affection, at least sleep near them. Let them know that you still care enough about them and yourself to get a full night’s rest. I will melt your feet off personally if you try to leave without sleeping. You’re in rough shape. Dream and I are guarding the door.”

My heart aches as this stranger, this addition to our family makes a solid case, and blocks my path to leaving. I could just claim a section of wall silently with inventory magic, walk out, and replace it, but that seems like it’s going a bit far when she’s just trying to look out for me.

So I just stand there, as Jaz and Dream bed down in front of the door. Over time, I begin to hear the murmurs of quiet conversations die down into a lull that’s intermittently broken by soft snoring. I stand a few paces from the door and let tears cascade down my face. Eventually I drop to my knees, roll to my side and lay fetal. I clutch my knees to my chest as I weep, feeling cold and alone despite the love and warmth surrounding me. I don’t even know what form I’ve been in, I think I was in draconic form for a time as I self-tethered up and down to work on my hand’s regeneration. I sink inward on myself, saddened and lost.

Slumber momentarily takes me.